Shoutout to my cousin’s fiancé. Balled out and got me a game used 3rd base

Listening to the B’s on the radio after getting home from a men’s league W against the biggest tools in the greater Boston area. This is what it’s all about

That’s a healthy tilt

How I’m moving after one (1) sake bomb

Whenever a couple announces their pregnancy the first thing I wanna know is what position the baby was conceived in

Just got a new job as a janitor at Causeway University. Instead of solving unfinished math problems on the board I create the most intricate neutral zone traps and PK systems

Breaking: Big Dom has been let go by the Philadelphia Eagles and has already found a job within the Boston Bruins organization

Credit card this. Debit card that. Fuck ‘em both, I use cold hard cash.

I am the 2005-2006 Rocket Richard Trophy winner Jonathan Cheechoo of drinking red wine

Peak.

Split the G? No thanks, I’m riding the Black Stallion tonight

That’d be great if it could stop being 70 degrees in the middle of October. I got new jackets, sweaters and flannels to wear and the weather is putting a dent in my plans

Not a fan of Christopher Columbus because he’s a generational fraud. Guy couldn’t calculate for shit, thought he was in the Indies, was arrested and shipped back to Spain, and got bailed out by Italian Americans centuries later that claimed he discovered America. A fraud.

I don’t think I liked the Lanterns season finale?

Apartment to myself for the next 10 days while my roommates are on their honeymoon

Three separate people have come up to me at this wedding yelling “PAYTON TOLLE” I’ve officially made it

How it feels to be staying the weekend at my parents house sleeping in my childhood bed that I don’t fit in anymore

Pokémon GO to the bar and have 12 drinks