Had an amazing night tonight reconnecting with some old friends, but I keep kicking myself because I mispronounced the word perpetuity. Absolutely no one called me on it, but it's gonna bug me for years.
It’s not fair to be fat AND tired. Isn’t this all stored up energy? Shouldn’t I be able to hit the nitro and go into overdrive?
Hey, we're all out here with full-time jobs and depression. You can't make a quirky show about funny queer pirates or funny queer angels and then finish it off gut-wrenchingly sad. I can't get to sleep to work tomorrow feeling like this.
Some women are out here saying trans women aren’t women, but still want their boyfriends to date them if they turn into worms.
Just thinking about 24 years ago when school shootings really popped off and they banned trench coats and figured that was that.
I'm officially converting from putting butter on my grilled cheese to using mayo. It cooks so much better, tastes exactly the same, and I never have to rely on softened butter being around.
Hey, all you monster fuckers! What would you actually do if you found the Mothman? I mean, what’s the fantasy there?
I've never understood the sentiment that other people's dreams are boring. I love hearing about them. Tell me, what did you dream about last night?
I just now learned why pound cakes are called pound cakes. I am a middle-aged man. I feel ridiculous.
Yesterday a clerk checked my ID and wrote down my middle name as OPION. Ever since I've been contemplating the life of someone named Opion.
And now my throat is so raw I can’t talk. Because I’m sick, not because I’ve been enthusiastically face fucked. Not while I’m sick, that would be irresponsible.
I’ve reached the stage of having a cold in suddenly low humidity where I blew my nose and the tissue came back 90% crimson.
Today is the last day to vote in Katmai National Park's Fat Bear Week! When noon Eastern hits, go vote!
explore.org/fat-bear-week
Last night I got hyper-fixated on this brilliantly constructed Tiktok by @avitalash.
I watched hundreds of duets and was fascinated by people's emotional journeys, how many people didn't get the joke, and genuinely didn't know how to pronounce macabre.
tiktok.com/@avitalash/video/…
