Dear Yankees, if you need another reason to cancel those flights or turn the rental car around before you hit the state line, here it is. 🚨 Our coastlines are no longer safe for your fragile, paper-thin pale skin. What you’re looking at is a scene locals will tell you happens at every tourist beach in Florida once the temperature drops and the northern blood starts circulating. The sharks and gators have developed a very specific taste for it and now actively patrol the shallows looking for feet with Birkenstock tan lines and ankles still carrying the faint scent of airport Starbucks. Here you see two of our most dangerous apex predators actively fighting over the remaining scraps of a fake service poodle while the family from Colorado’s non-binary son films the whole catastrophe hoping he can file a lawsuit against the local wildlife for DEI hate crimes. Us locals know which beaches are still safe. We also know which ones only look safe until the first person from New Jersey steps in past their knees. No, we will not tell you the difference. Enjoy the shallows. 🐊🦈