Tortured AZ sports fan. Business owner. Millionaire. Pilot. Musician. Actor. Model. Postman. Billionaire.

Joined June 2022
Today I ran a sub 3 hour marathon and qualified for Boston with less than a minute to spare. Promptly puked my brains out the second I finished
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Well, my appendix ruptured. This pain is legendary. Never experienced anything like this
Getting admitted for Appendicitis. Surgery today. If this is my last tweet, I want to be taxidermied. I'll let you all choose the pose.
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Getting admitted for Appendicitis. Surgery today. If this is my last tweet, I want to be taxidermied. I'll let you all choose the pose.
First time in the ER in my 30s. At least I'm wearing my honorary grippy socks
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First time in the ER in my 30s. At least I'm wearing my honorary grippy socks
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My dad is very proud of his Home Depot Nephilim Skeleton. Dudes yearn for giant Halloween decorations
Finally got around to starting to build Halloween town. Should be done tmw. Kind of mad I waited this long.
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Chad Ryland recreated the Jay Feely image. Go Cardinals I guess
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Let Jacoby cook (another 3 and out on first and goal). Brissett is allergic to the end zone
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Mikey Keene for president. The Cutter Boley experience is over
Can we please end the Cutter Boley experience? This dude is a football terrorist
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Cutter Boley's second delay of game in the first quarter. ASU and Dillingham need to cut their losses and bench this kid. Worst statting ASU QB this side of the year 2000
Can we please end the Cutter Boley experience? This dude is a football terrorist
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Can we please end the Cutter Boley experience? This dude is a football terrorist
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Me in my Tesla Roadster after 6 Zipparitas
Turns out the future does have flying cars
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My mother gave birth to me in a hotel room and the sheets looked just like this
Brother you ain’t lived til you’ve tried Rudy’s out in Texas
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Idk why Arizona has the lowest rated McDonald's in the country. This looks like a perfectly fine Egg McMuffin to me
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Two 1-4 teams from tiny schools on a Wednesday evening. Dozens of people in the stands. This is what CFB is all about. #Sickos
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When the bring out the "Sales Engineer" during the Teams meeting
He always looked like he zoned out during Pinhead’s monologues
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Digga, please.
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Someone else who lives in AZ, get me her @. She's perfect.
the bar for dating in america really is "Please Just Don't be Fat"
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Little donkey was just trotting up to say hello and these clowns mag dumped him like he pointed a gun at them. Most embarrassing cop video I've ever seen. Put these clowns in the pilloroes and let the townspeople pelt them with rotton tomatoes
🚨#BREAKING: The bodycam footage from the police officer who sh0t and k*lled the miniature donkey 'HeeHaw" in Georgia has been released. In his official report, the officer stated that the minature donkey "charged" at him. A K-9 handler then deployed his taser at HeeHaw, which, "did not deter the donkey"... Officer Garner then said: ..."so I removed my department issued Glock 17 from its holster and pointed it at the donkey. I then fired a single round striking the donkey,” Garner also wrote that he and K-9 units from multiple agencies “spooked” horses who ran away, but HeeHaw "charged" at them. Hannah, the owner, said he would NEVER charged at anyone and he constantly goes to petting zoos with kids and adults at NURSING HOMES and has never once "charged" at anyone. The bodycam footage seems to show the HeeHaw trotting up to the officers being extremely friendly.
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Imagine the horror if Maryvale and Glendale were connected to Scottsdale via the poverty train. It would be a zombie apocalypse just with more fentanyl. Shoutout to my dad's generation for turning that down
I will never forgive the generation that turned you down Valtrans.
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