The worst part of tonight's game being off is that we'd have been 3-0 up right now. Probably.

For the safety of our sellers, would you all please form a nice orderly queue when purchasing the brannooishooo this evening. It will also be available at Peterborough, and at home to Sunderland and Forest.

No new issue today, as originally planned, but we will be dutifully standing in monsoon conditions offering the 'Ladies Tissue' to anyone who has missed it so far. Don't miss out. Or do. It's up to you really. Panic buying encouraged.

When we were kids, playing football on the local rec from dawn to dusk, we all adopted the name of our mainy local Pompey or Saints heroes - except me. I was always, only ever... Rodney Marsh.