Times New Roman guy living in a Calibri world. Bird law appellate practice.
Santa Ana, CA
Joined July 2012
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Michael Schulze retweeted
❌ “Swarmed”:
- massive cyber larping
- thinks AI invented security
- thinks machine-speed is novel
- reads a16z sloports
✅ “Zerged”:
- assimilated to the Hive Mind
- we require more Vespene gas
- high-pitched, frantic skittering, aggressive wet clicking sounds
Michael Schulze retweeted
“Hint of Lime” is an astonishingly dishonest name for a tortilla chip that tastes like it was manufactured during an industrial accident at a lime processing facility
Michael Schulze retweeted
at a kid’s birthday. the boy opens a small box. there’s a black triangle inside. he picks it up to examine. another young boy steps forward: he announces, “it’s a real shark tooth”. a hushed silence falls. they have the demeanor and body language of two kings exchanging riches.
Michael Schulze retweeted
the history of any French cathedral is like
1200: construction begins
1700: construction completed
1701: converted into king's private chapel
1789-1799: converted into Temple of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
1800: Catholic again
1871: converted into arena for female wrestling
Michael Schulze retweeted
You realize this is a dream job for a sizable chunk of the population. Immured inside a big concrete cylinder & drip fed worm percocet so you can play Space Shipping Tycoon for 5,000 years in a row. There’s guys out there doing that for free right now
Can any dune book reader explain why anyone would choose to become a navigator in Dune?
In the world of Dune, navigators are barely human anymore. They spend years immersed in highly concentrated spice gas, causing their bodies to mutate severely until they resemble strange fish-like creatures. So, why would anyone accept such a terrible price?
Michael Schulze retweeted
Padme’s medical droid: She just lost the will to live.
Me (there for some reason): Wait, what? That’s not a thing.
Droid: Good catch—You’re right, my first diagnosis of “lost her will to live” was incorrect. She actually had a massive cerebral hemorrhage.
Michael Schulze retweeted
Teaching high school jazz band is like, “Don’t take heroin, kids, but let’s learn something from the people who did.”
Michael Schulze retweeted
You've just ordered Pizza Hut and a 2L Mountain Dew.
You've loaded up Ocarina of Time.
No school tomorrow.
Your parents don't care if you stay up all night long.
A perfect fall night.
You are 36 years old.
The year is 2026.
Michael Schulze retweeted
So to her great credit did my mother, fortunately she tells me she laughed out loud at my gaffe for which I have apologised.
Michael Schulze retweeted
5pm after daylight savings feels like
foreboding voice: youre running out of time
me: for what?
foreboding voice: you just are
Michael Schulze retweeted
heist team leader: this is a by the numbers job, no funny business, we get in and we get out
*i walk into the room wearing rings shaped like dice, a tie with playing cards on it, monogrammed jacket that says "THE GAMBLER"
Michael Schulze retweeted
numbers coming out of The Castle are insane. this is a Dracula +25 district
Michael Schulze retweeted
Ok ladies: Imagine you don’t want to go shopping at all. Not even slightly. You’re busy folding laundry or painting your nails or watching your favourite TV show. Zero desire for retail therapy. Your boyfriend sighs loudly and goes “can we go shopping and get tasty treats now”
