Piff

Did you know? If you put a wooden spoon on your pot while it's boiling, the pot spoon water will the spill water pot, the boiling pot water steam spoon wood.

Merry Transmas and happy new queer. Yes, that is what was yelled at me outside the hallmark store this morning. As the woke liberal mob was changing all the hallmark movies into Arabic.

MISSISSIPPI HELLO

abortion party at mine tonight byob

Texas flipped, wife hot, Zelda remake, life is good

If we flip Mississippi and it turns blue that means it’s transitioning and we have to call it Mistersippi. I don’t make the rules

I’m no therapist, but have you tried eating a family sized bag of ruffles and French onion dip?

This can’t be the life I protected in 2020 with a mask

Everybody always asks what I did today. Nobody asks what today did to me

I’m really not sure who to vote for. I hope some random number I don’t recognize texts me and tells me. But only if it happens multiple times a day.

In Monsters Inc (2001) a high powered executive is revealed to be preying on children and is immediately arrested that's because the film is a work of fiction

Yea abs are cool and all, but have you ever eaten 6 crumbl cookies and taken a nap?

The clicking in your shoulder while doing lateral raises is from Israel. Just ignore it