Life is hell, gonna start shitposting on twitter
Joined July 2025
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Just voted to fill the country with gay communists or w/e. Fingers crossed I can realize my dream now of franchising out some "Trans 'R' Us"s
Halloween Movie - Carrie (1976)
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆½ out of 5
Literally the meme of "if you tried to color a film like this today, they'd kill you." Gorgeous, gorgeous movie. Reallllly want to give it 5 stars, it's SO close. Just a few minor gripes. Like idk what John Travolta is doing in this movie. Not like a "why is he here?" thing. A "these choices are bad" thing. But it was only his second film so I'm willing to cut him some slack.
But both Sissy Spacek and Piper Laurie's performances more than make up for it as well. Which I mean, they were both nominated for an Oscar. Very deservedly so. Spacek's "deer in the headlights" vibe is terrific and feels like it comes from a real place. Laurie is just a CRAZY bitch. It genuinely feels like they just found a crazy person wandering around and put her in the movie.
And I wish - and it's not a huge knock or anything - we got maybe like just 5-10 more minutes with Carrie and her powers. It goes from "she broke the ash tray" to "this deadeyed lizard psycho just burned the school down" REAL quick. But they do repeatedly set it up as a "defense mechanism" so again, not a HUGE deal. There's just like ZERO fat on this story, so I guess I'm saying there was room.
Rapid fire reviews:
Christine - ☆ ☆ ☆½ out of 5. (A STRONG 7)
Dug this one a decent amount. Wish there was maybe just one more set piece to it, could've done with an extra 10 minutes. Terrific special effects. Also they don't make supporting role actors look like this any more, some crazy ass faces. Not sure if this something people highlight, but I thought Keith Gordon as Arnie was pretty incredible.
Hokum - ☆ ☆ ☆½ out of 5. (A STRONG 7)
Also enjoyed this one, pretty spooky in a couple spots. I've seen all(?) Damian McCarthy movies, I think, and they never quite gel into a masterpiece for me. I don't really feel Ohms closure at the end. It doesn't quite coalesce in the way I think it's supposed to.
I think I still prefer Oddity. Still, a fun time. Wish there was more with the witch.
They Live - ☆ ☆ ☆½ out of 5. (A decent 7)
Lot of fun. Weirdly paced though. I don't mind setting the scene, but it's just a touch slow to get going and then suddenly Roddy Piper's just out here murdering bitches. And the second half feels a little underbaked kind of as a result.
Fun performance from Roddy though, Keith David's always putting in the work. The design of the aliens is simple but effectively creepy. Also what the hell happened to/who the hell is Meg Foster? That is the most striking face I've seen in a movie in a long time. Harkens back to the femme fatales of old.
Underwater - ☆ ☆ ☆ out of 5. (A light 6)
Forgot I watched this after only a couple days. Wish I liked it better (My movie ranking system is akin to letter grades so this is like a 'D'). Starts off with a literal bang, but isn't nearly as intense as I feel it could be. The feeling of dread just kinda idled for me.
Also visually kinda ugly in places where it was legit hard to tell what was going on. Appreciate having the balls to end the movie like that though. I think there's like 1 too many characters in the mix though, especially if you're gonna try to get me to care about any of them.
Spooky Movie Month:
Suspiria (1977) — ☆☆☆☆ out of 5
This was a fun one. Not gonna say anything particularly novel here that hasn't already been repeated ad nauseam, but the cinematography and colors are gorgeous. So many frames could be paintings. The soundtrack is memorable and suitably eerie.
Pretty great practical effects for the time, too, especially the dog attack and the final scene with Helena. Very much a vibes-over-plot sort of experience, cuz this plot is thin as hell.
Not entirely sure if the performances are ALL supposed to be a little goofy. Specifically, some of the line reads these dubbed actors go for are WILD.
The first encounter with the killer had me really locked in, and I guess I expected things to go FULLY off the rails at some point. Like, 11/10 levels of insanity. And it mostly...doesn't really do that but stays at like a solid 8 or light 9 instead the whole time.
An enjoyable time and a gorgeous film.
And then sometimes it's 70 and blue skies, and you're out for a walk listening to "Everybody Wants to Rule the World," and it might be okay.
In the past two weeks I've started getting appeals to "Rick" to vote and reminders to "Linda" to confirm her dermatology appointment. So I need people to stop giving out my number to random people apparently.
Just got back from the classic Resident Evil/Digger double feature.
...dude idk.
I know how to rate Resident Evil, it was like a B-
Digger was a movie.
Frankenstein (31)
Classic/ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
A little tricky to rate when held against most cinema from the last 60 years or so. Technically speaking, anyway. There are some abrupt cuts, bits of dialogue where you’re like, “I think that was supposed to be audible,” and just the general roughness you’d expect from a movie this old.
But at the same time, visually it's a very ambitious movie at times especially with some of its long takes. As well as standout iconography in it's production design with things like the laboratory, the creature itself the windmill on fire.
I only recently read the book as an adult and had NO idea the monster was intelligent. And tbh it kinda turned me off a little because he's self-aware and knows he's being a dick by murdering people. I know he's a complex figure, but I'm just like "Am I supposed to be rooting for him? He's killed like 5 people!"
All that to say, I think making him more childlike works in the movie's favor. He's still violent, but also easier to sympathize with as a tragic figure imo. Boris Karloff is of course iconic in the role. Perfect physicality in his movememt.
Something I know people talk about, or mildly reference ("it's alive!"), is Colin Clive's performance, but idk I feel like he doesn't get his flowers. He's really damn good in this. There’s a depth and subtlety to the performance that I really didn’t expect, especially given how theatrical acting tended to be at the time. Both physically and in his delivery, there are more naturalistic moments that I really liked.
Also I really enjoyed Frankensteins goofy, grumpy lil guy of a dad.
October 1st!
Classic Horror movies I've never seen that I'm gonna try to watch this month:
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (20)
Nosferatu (22)
Dracula (31)
Frankenstein (31)
The Invisible Man (33)
Suspiria (77)
The Hills Have Eyes (77)
Dawn of the Dead (78)
Ok how come we don't have Conner O'Malley doing "unofficial" press as Zuckerberg for The Social Reckoning?
'Groundhog' is a really judgemental name for a cute little guy just trying his best.
"He's cute, but I also want people to know he's a fatass."