Shit My Manager Says

"Mark Wahlberg: I wonder who packed his fudge to try and get famous?" #shitmybosssays #shitmymanagersays #serverprobs

An Argentine pope? I guess were going to make all those Brazilians into good little Catholic boys.

Girls who don't drink coffee have nice pink assholes.

"Dennis Rodman - He went to Korea, AND he's an alcoholic. I love that guy!" #shitmybosssays #serverproblems #waitressprobs

"I want to be so rich that all I do is buy companies and piss on other people's faces." #shitmybosssays #waitressproblems

"I hate this town so much that you couldn't pay me to live here for free." #shitmymanagersays #shitmybosssays #serverproblems

"I once fucked a girl so hard I bruised my balls. My doctor said he'd never seen anything like it." #shitmymanagersays #waiterprobs

"My neighbor wanted to keep her virginity until marriage, so her boyfriend just plowed her in the ass instead." #shitmybosssays #serverprobs

"I'm pro white supremacy, so I hope Peyton Manning wins." #shitmybosssays #serverproblems #racistboss

"I just asked the table to have some respect before I slap them across the face and plow his wife in the ass." #shitmybosssays

"We wouldn't make you work so much if you were retarded. I'd take it as a complement." #shitmymanagersays #serverproblems

"They got that bitch a gift? I bet it's a frozen chocolate covered dildo." #shitmymanagersays #waitressproblems #restaurantprobs

"I thought I was a porn star in the bedroom and wound up with a hernia." #shitmybosssays #shitmymanagersays #serverprobs

... and a glass of champagne in the other. Damn." #shitmymanagersays #shitmybosssays #serverprobs #waitressproblems

"If I had to dress every woman in the world they'd be wearing a Louis Vuitton G-string, a t-shirt, and heels with a cigarette in one hand...

"They keep asking me if I'm Greek. It's like who the hell cares; I don't ask you if you're a nigger." #shitmybosssays #serverprobs

"That child is so spoiled her parents probably give her dicks to suck instead of lollipops." #shitmybosssays #restaurantproblems

"Don't ever say that to me in front of a gay guy again. He might try to pack a load of fudge in my ass." #shitmybosssays #restaurantprobs

"She has a zebra stripe phone cover. It just screams 'slut'." #shitmybosssays #shitmymanagersays #waitressprobs

"I'm Christmas-y because I like getting my dick sucked to Christmas music." #shitmybosssays #shitmymanagersays #serverprobs