ALT Part 1/2 of an SMBC comic update. A scientist is plotting at a scifi console, saying "I’ve done it! Now, anyone can use machine learning to instantly generate any movie they can imagine!" Another scientists tries to stop him as he gloats "ART IS FOR THE PEOPLE! THE PEOPLE DECIDE WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT!" The next panel skips to 4 seconds later, where the gloating scientist is aghast, saying "what have I done?"

ALT Part 2/2 of an SMBC comic update. A large panel shows the scientist horrified, brought down to his knees, in front of a large cinema sign where the following movies are playing : The X-men Have Big Titties and Drive Racecars. Big-tittied Jedi/Wizards vs Transformer Werewolves with Big Titties and It's The Matrix Part 3. The Dark Knight Re-tittied. The Legend of Ddumblerdore. The Godfather (Big Titties Edition).

ALT 1-panel SMBC comic update. A woman with grey hair stands at a podium in front of a small gathering. She says "for year in range(88): books(); gardening(); family()" The caption below the comic reads "When I die, I want a Kolmogorov Eulogy."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A little girl asks her mother why people get old. The mother replies "actually we don't!" She explains "Most of my cells are just about the same age as yours!I look like this because my body is a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy made by a blind tailor! You're lucky my face is on forwards!" As she speaks, the panels show all the blemishes and signs of aging on her face in a close up. The little girl concludes that "life is like a horror movie," prompting the mom to reply "honey, no, Things matter in horror movies."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A header above the panels reads "reactions to AI automation." The first two panels show an artist and a mathematician working, and reacting to AI by saying "but I don't want to lose my job. I love it." The third panel shows an economist shouting "LONG HAVE I AWAITED THIS HOUR! DESTROY ME, EFFICIENCY AND LET UTILIZATION-ADJUSTED TOTAL FACTOR PRODUCTIVITY RISE ON THE WIND OF MY ASHES!" The final panel shows the economist getting his face blasted off as the artist and the mathematician stare perplexed.

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A bald man in a teal suit with a giant cable sticking out of his head declares "Hahaha! At last a brain chip that makes me infinitely intelligent and immortal. Activate!" The activation zaps the man, and then he says "My desire for knowledge was in fact a desire for social status among apes who I've now transcended, and my fear of death was founded on a trivially flawed notion of persistent identity." The man then says "aw nuts!" in folksy disappointment.

ALT Part 1/2 of a 6-panel SMBC comic update. A waitress approaches a man in a booth to take his order, asking "What'll it be, baby?" The man then explains over 3 panels "FOOL! You think it's possible to 'order lunch?' You think I can just assign some nonsensical "goodness" score to every item and combination, and calculate maximum felicity as if I am GOD and the world is MATH?! Ha! This is mere scientism!"

ALT Part 2/2 of a 6-panel SMBC comic update. The waitress replies "Hun, you don't need a commensurable scalar score for each item. Just ordinally rank yer preferences." The man is stunned. The waitress adds "Sorry, I mean try the chicken strips, hun." The man says "Chicken strips please, ma'am."

ALT Part 1/2 of a 5-panel SMBC comic. A fairy godmother appears to a princess, saying "I'm your fairy godmother, and I am going to make you a husband by turning that toad... Into a prince!" She zaps the toad, and the next panels shows a prince with a very vacant open-mouth stare. The princess, concerned, asks "Oh god, is the vacuous stare because he still has a toad brain?"

ALT Part 2/2 of a 5-panel SMBC comic. The fairy godmother reassures her, saying "No, that's generations of royal inbreeding." The prince continues to look silly, by the princess and visibly relieved.

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A man is walking happily, saying "Welp, time to have a beer and wank for three hours." He stops himself, saying "WAIT A SEC. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" The man then turns to a robot and tells it to tackle those tasks, with the robot confirming "initiating... chug and tug..." In the next panel, the man is seen leaning over a stack of paperwork, thinking to himself "Finally, free for more toil."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A woman comes up to the man she is dating saying "I'd like to start this first date as a long-term relationship." The man asks how, and she explains : "I mean I want to invite you back to my place, but I haven't done the dishes or any kind of personal grooming." She adds "The fridge is gross." The man asks if they will still have sex at the end of the date, for the woman to say "AND WAKE UP THE BABIES? ARE YOU CRAZY?"

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A young girl stops an adult saying "OH MY GOD THAT IS SO RANDOM" The panel switches to the adult, showing she is wearing a "duckicorn power" shirt, featuring a character that is a mix of an unicorn and a duck. The woman asks "Epistemic or ontic randomness?" When the girl replies what, the woman explains "Are you claiming mere lack of knowledge of my duck-icorn sweater or claiming that the presence of the duck-icorn was unknowable prior to observation?" The girl replies "the first one," causing the adult to say "OMYGOD, THANKS!"

ALT 1-panel SMBC comic update. A man sitting at a desktop computer reads out loud what he is typing : "Before we have an argument should we define what we’re arguing about and agree on what we want out of the discussion? Hello? Huh. my signal is busted." The caption below the comic reads "Little known fact: Since the early 1990s there’s been an automatic way to get permanently kicked off the Internet."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. A man catches his wife with another man in their bet. Shocked, he says "You're cheating on me!" The woman replies "is that bad? Who can say? Einstein proved everything is relative." Insulted, the man replies "That is not what Einstein says!" The woman corrects it "Sorry, I mean, my cheating on you only holds for low relative velocity and weak gravity." The man then calmly says "I forgive you."

ALT Part 1/2 of a 7-panel SMBC comic update. A generic version of an American president leans grimly over his desk, stating "we have no cards left to play. It is loss or stalemate. We launch the nuclear arsenal. Now." He then talks about the effects of the fallout for 2 panels: "once our strike is inbound, our foes will return fire. Billions, unsuspecting, reduced to shadows on a concrete wall. In the years that follow, crops will wither under a bituminous sky. And those children who survive infancy will forever bear the mark of the atom in their blood and tissues."

ALT Part 2/2 of a 7-panel SMBC comic update. The president concludes "Whatever world emerges, civilization shall not." An employee standing behind him asks "mr. president, I ask you to hesitate. Just for a moment." The president grants him 5 minutes, during which the employee bets on a prediction market app on his phone that there will be thermonuclear wold war before the end of the year."

ALT 1-panel SMBC comic update. A man is sitting at his computer while another stands behind him, criticizing what is on the screen. The standing man says "you call that art? You’re just by yourself prompting a robot to make stuff." The sitting man interjects "but it's still - " and is cut off by the standing man adding "where’s the INTENT? Huh? This isn’t why we make things." The caption below the panel reads "AI cannot create, because real Art comes from the human need to impress the shy girl in figure-drawing class."

ALT 3-panel SMBC comic update. A man is checking news headlines on his phone, with the first stating "president raises tariffs; deports workers; starts war." The man says "woops," still looking down at his phone. The final panel shows a scene from earlier, where the man is wishing on a monkey's paw: "Monkey's Paw, I wish people cared about basic economics." One of the fingers on the paw curls ominously.

ALT 1-panel SMBC comic update. A man is leaning into a guillotine to be executed. Surprised, he asks "is that... Cardamom?" The executioner answers "with a hint of aniseed." The caption below the comic reads "the best thing about holding The Revolution in Fall was the pumpkin spice guillotine."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. Two women are birdwatching, one marvels at a white bird standing on a rock, saying "oh my gosh, look, a Shitepoke!' The same woman is delighted as she sees other birds saying "what a charming Arsefoot! look sally, a Windfucker! Go fuck that wind, little Windfucker!" The woman birding with her says "okay fine, you can go back to scientific nomenclature and I won’t complain." The first woman replies "it is too late. The change is complete."

ALT 4-panel SMBC comic update. Each panel shows a different animal with a cute name - A Buggyfriend, A Pider, A SnickySnek and A Verygoodboy. The caption below the comic reads "life goal: name a species in every genus that starts with A."

ALT Part 1/2 of a 5-panel SMBC comic update. A man praying at his bedside asks "God, why is it possible to be a good person, but impossible to simply specify ethical rules that always result in good behavior?" God replies "because ethics is like ALMOST EVERY OTHER PROBLEM."

ALT Part 2/2 of a 5-panel SMBC comic update. God continues to explain as the looks gradually surprised and annoyed: "try to perfectly specify language-use with a simple rule set. Or boardgame strategy. Or driving a car. Or eating soup. Humans can hold about seven things in working memory at a time, and so have decided that anything requiring eight things is poorly specified! WooOOOoooo a talking ape can’t reduce something to an evolutionary arbitrary quantity of criteriaaaaa. Soooooooo mysteriouuuuus." The man then says "you’re being mean, God." God taunts him in return "are you SURE? Can you specify meanness? WOOOOooooo OOoooooo!"

ALT Part 1/2 of a 6-panel SMBC comic update. In the first and second panels, two stick figures representing a man and a women are used to illustrate the following statement : "on average, men are larger than women. On average, women carry more body fat than men." The narration then adds "the main radioactive element in the human body is potassium-40, which is nearly absent in body fat. Which means..." We then see a man hit on a woman by saying "you shouldn’t get to know me, honey. I’m dangerous."

ALT Part 2/2 of a 6-panel SMBC comic update. The woman smiles and answers "in an interesting way?" The man smiles and replies "no."