R E D A C T E D

“Area 51 can’t keep me in check.” 👽Bi 👽Dom 👽Selective 👽Dark Themes (No Taboo) 👽Xalik, the bum ass alien 👽Extraterrestrial with a thirst for monster and a porn addiction. 👽Crashes on your couch right after probing you 💚&🔁

High probability of abduction for higher rated test subjects 💚+🔁+🖼️

Those of you that get released back to earth and spend the rest of your lives paranoid should actually consider yourselves the lucky ones. Those unlucky are trafficked back to the planet of his client for………further testing.

If you’re wondering why a bum ass Mf like Xalik is even doing experiments and probing: it’s because he’s doing it on behalf of his clients. Kinda like a mercenary but in the scientific field. He collects the data and gets a fat paycheck.

Occasionally he has to go undercover for any plethora of reasons. It’s amazing that his attempts are successful though. Considering he just throws on custom fitted human clothes. Doesn’t bother changing his height, voice, or even the fact that he’s fucking green.

Oh yes because the extraterrestrial was totally going to obey your earthly traditions and not cum for a month. Now shut up and get back in the corner while he tests interspecies breeding with your girlfriend.

That martian dick tastes like green apple candy. Do what you will with this knowledge.

“You know I keep that thang on me.”

“Strange. Last time I checked, these gov lackeys were supposed to be keeping me off planet. Not giving me a warm welcome and begging me to stay.”~

<— Bald ass Mf

Say some Glep Glorp shit and you’re genuinely getting zapped into an unidentifiable goop on the floor.

“The best part about being extraterrestrial is watching a planet’s inhabitant realize my body doesn’t follow the same laws of physics as theirs. Especially when i start groping them in four spots at once.”~

Usually drinking any other kind of milkshake too much would result in a stomachache. This milkshake prefers to take the wombache approach instead.~

Ok but like what if I got up to some tomfoolery and started making branding edits again solely for this muse.

~~~You want to waist all your money buying Grimace Shakes and worship Grimace’s fat purple cock~~~

Spilt some shake but never cleaned it up? Well in that time it festered in your home and spread throughout like black mold. Your one sanctuary is now your greatest enemy. And it isn’t gonna just let you leave.~