Professor Snape

Yo momma's so fat her patronus is a milkshake.

Why is there no I in team? Because the little Pixar lamp stomped the shit out of it.

Facebook's friend suggestion section should be renamed to "People you know, but probably hate."

Happy Valentines Day. #ValentinesDay

Potter and Weasley. #ExpelThemBoth

Dementors are real. Muggles just know them as mondays.

Hakuna Matata is Disney's way of saying YOLO.

I’m back, bitches!

Some people need a sympathetic pat on the head... with a hammer.

Slytherins > Ravenclaws > Gryffindors > Administration > Staff > Filch > Pets > Trees > Dirt > Hufflepuffs

When you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. The star is dead. Just like your dreams.

Is this thing... on?

Yo mama’s so fat even the Dementors can’t suck out her soul in one sitting.

You’re so ugly the Ministry of Magic thought you were an unregistered animagus.

He Who Literally Can’t Even.

Stuck behind a deatheater this morning...

Na na, honey I'm good. I could have another but I probably shoul-- fuck it, give it to me! #TuesdayProblems

🎶 Wake up in the morning feelin' like P. Diddy *gets arrested*

Neville Longbottom... or no-bottom... or somebottom???

You're such a muggle, you thought quaffles needed syrup. #Burn