Stay Alive

#stayalivenow Something I learned from Marshall Goldsmith is to occasionally ask your kids, "Going forward what can I do to be a better mom/dad if part of my responsibility is to set you up to have the best life possible when you turn 18? And why that?"

When you do this and they start to cry, realize that crying may be good for them, because it helps get the fear out (vs. staying in their head and causing them to feel panicky) and feel relief at not feeling so alone with it.

#stayalivenow Ask them what's the worst they can feel and how alone can they feel at those times. Then say, "Do whatever it takes to get my attention, because I don't want you to have to feel so alone at those times and whatever it is, we'll work it out."

#stayalivenow Try not to give advice or solutions unless they ask for them. Instead try to get them to talk about what something made them think/feel and want to immediately do. Then ask them, if that happens again, what would be a better thing to do and why that.

#stayalivenow Thx for sharing. A good practice to get into w very young children when reading bedtime story is ask them, "What was best & worst thing that happened today? What are you most excited and nervous about tomorrow?" Helps them to see how talking helps them feel better

#stayalivenow Oprah did segment on 60 mins where she learned how powerful it is as a parent to assume goodness in your child when they do something bad and ask them, "What happened to you that caused you to do that?" vs. "Why did you do that (bad thing)?"

#stayalivenow In retrospect, I don't think my parents were mean spirited. I think they were very worried that any small bad thing could blow up into a big thing and that caused them to jump on them. They're both dead and I've been apologizing to both. Makes me feel better.

#stayalivenow Let's say they don't open up because they're afraid. What do you think they're afraid of?

#stayalivenow My parents often jumped to conclusions and when they said, "Why do you do that?" it came of is "Why did you do that bad thing?" In retrospect I could have misinterpreted them, because now that I look back they were probably more anxious than angry. Sorry folks. RIP

#stayalivenow when you have a chance check this out and give it to your teens to see what they say: youtube.com/watch?v=FDIBQr_4…

#stayalivenow Here we go... Why won't your kids talk to you when they need to? What do YOU do to get through?

#stayalivenow Thank you all for joining us. Hope to see you again next Wednesday 11:30-12 for another chat. Please suggest other topics and invite your friends. Take good care. Dr. G