At 4:57PM this evening, Vanessa passed away. This pain is indescribable, I have no words. I have no energy. I can’t think straight. But I owe it to you Vanessa to say that I will love you forever, I will hold you close to me until my last breath. Our deep connection was clear from the beginning, we just clicked. I wish we could’ve lived all our dreams and plans that we had made, gosh we had so many things we were gonna do together, but for reasons I’ll never comprehend, that wasn’t in the cards. For the 6 years I knew you, and the 2 that we were together, you completed me, you made my life worth living, you saved me in my darkest days. You gave me your all, you made me so happy and I can only hope that I did the same for you. I don’t know how I’m gonna live without you. Goodbye my sweet beautiful Vanessa, thank you for being mine and for showing me what true love is. I will miss your kisses and your cuddles and your playful insults. I will miss everything about you. We may not have been able to officially get married, but you will always be my wife. I love you so much, so very much, and I will miss you forever. Rest easy my butterfly 🦋💔💔😭😭 @ilovejohnkimble

Just one of those random days at home with @ilovejohnkimble No big events, no special occasions, nothing out of the ordinary, just our life together. I would give anything…ANYTHING, to go back to these quiet, normal, wonderful days with Vanessa. My favorite human forever 🩷🩷

Happy Heavenly Birthday to my favorite person to ever exist @ilovejohnkimble 🩷🥺 I made this video as a tribute to Vanessa, to showcase the unbelievable impact she had on everyone around her. I made this video to show how deeply she is missed and to show the smiles that we only smiled with her. Today I honor not just the day she was born, but the countless lives she enriched just by being in them. We may have lost her physical presence, but we will never lose the love she gave to us all. She was a true gem in this world. Happiest Birthday in heaven, my beautiful girl, you’ll always be the heart and soul of my life. You’ll always be one of the greatest gifts that God gave me. I wish you were here, but I will carry your love in the deepest part of my heart for as long as I live. And when God allows, I know one day we will meet again where “goodbye” no longer exists. I celebrate you every single day, but a little extra today. I love you forever 💞

“Sweet Child O’ Mine,” was the number 1 favorite song of @ilovejohnkimble . So, 3 years ago today, I took her to see Guns N’ Roses at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Vanessa & I had been dating for a while and that’s where I asked her to officially be my girlfriend. She said no lol. I knew that she was half joking & half hesitant because she was afraid of ruining our beautiful friendship, so I respected her & didn’t push. A few days later, she knocked on my door & the first thing she said was, “With how good we are together, I’d be crazy if I really meant no. Just promise to love me forever, and don’t be stoopid!” That was the easiest promise I could ever make 🥺 I miss you so much every day Vanessa; I WILL love you forever 💞

Today is 1 year since we lost the amazing & beautiful @ilovejohnkimble 💔 Not a day has gone by that I haven’t cried an ocean for Vanessa. Time doesn’t heal this; it can’t heal a wound so deeply carved into the soul. There’s no way to explain the shock & trauma going from building a life with the one you love…moving in together, getting engaged, planning a marriage, spending every day side by side…to having to live without them. Overwhelmed with heartbreak & loneliness, it hurts knowing I don't have my person to prioritize over everything, nor do I have anyone that would prioritize me. I have to deal with the loneliness of missing her forever. I have friends & family, people who have shown up for me, & I’m grateful, but what's missing is having my girl to come home to. The one whose day is tied to mine & mine to theirs, the one who’s included in my decisions; “Should I stay later at work?” “What should we watch tonight?” “What time should we walk Chewy?” My future was set, my heart was whole, now it’s shattered, & my punch-list is too specific to think I'll find another that I am so compatible with, who might adore my idiosyncrasies. Nor do I want to. I was alone for 31 years, then somehow the universe connected me with the one person who matched everything I am. Even before Vanessa & I became a couple we were inseparable, spending hours together every day even when separated by over 1,100 miles, talking on the phone until the sun came up, sleeping together on FaceTime, the compatibility was once in a lifetime, the chemistry was undeniable, we were made for each other, now my “once in a lifetime” is gone, leaving me with endless love that has nowhere to go. In one of the songs I dedicated to her, “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You,” George Benson said it best: “If I had to live my life without you near me, the days would all be empty. The nights would seem so long…” I miss you every second of every day, Vanessa. I long to hold you again, to have you lay your head on my chest. I miss lifting you & carrying you around, I miss sharing Taco Bell with you, I miss playing F13 on PS5 with you all night, I miss it being 5:30 AM & you saying “let’s play one more round” & it turning into 3 more. I miss you randomly breaking out into song at any given moment, your go-to being either “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder or “Summer Nights” from Grease. I miss you reciting lines from “Friends,” attributing them to daily life. I miss coming home to you with flowers & seeing your eyes light up. I miss your playful insults & unique sense of humor that made me laugh so hard. I miss who I was when you were here. I miss you in the silence of our unlived years, I miss you for future me & the life I’ll experience without you. This pain is debilitating, it’s visceral, it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before, & yet, if I could go back, I would still choose to love you, even knowing that you being gone would destroy me. Because a single moment of true joy is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow. Even though I lost you just as our story was starting, nothing can take away the fact that you were here. That you were mine & I was yours. That I held your hand, heard you laugh, got lost in your eyes, kissed your lips; that I found the girl of my dreams, that I shared my life with you even for a brief moment. When my life nears its end, I will look back on that brief moment & remember that it was you who showed me what true love is, that it was you who healed my pain, the pain that no medicine can fix. I’ll remember that it was you who showed me how wonderful it is to dedicate yourself to someone. I’ll remember how proud I was to have you on my arm. I’ll remember that loving you was the happiest I had ever been, & I will remember that brief moment as the best part of my life. I miss you more than the human mind can comprehend. I love you with all my heart, Vanessa. I always will. Rest easy, my sweet girl, wait for me, until I see you again ♥️

I know that @ilovejohnkimble would be very upset with me if I didn’t wish the legend himself, @Schwarzenegger a very happy 79th birthday! Vanessa made sure to never miss a birthday of his & I will be sure to do the same in her honor 🥺 Happy Birthday Arnold, have a great one sir!

Missing @ilovejohnkimble every day & celebrating 4th of July with her the last few years. It became tradition to go watch the fireworks at the Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, as they put on a beautiful show & we lived within walking distance. Vanessa had attended that celebration every year for over a decade, and I was honored when she started sharing it with me ❤️💙🤍

I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge today being 35 years since the release of Terminator 2: Judgment day, Vanessa’s favorite movie ❤️ @ilovejohnkimble took great pride in all of her tweets but especially those relating to T2. I’ll be watching it tonight in honor of this beautiful angel 🥺 Happy 35th Anniversary to the greatest action film of all time!

I loved the way you looked at me @ilovejohnkimble 🥺 Whenever I gazed into your eyes, everything stopped but my heart, which started racing. The only thing that mattered in that moment Vanessa, was I knew I had found the kind of love that they write poems about, I had found my princess. I love you forever 🩷 My body may remain here on earth, but my heart and soul are with you in heaven…

The smile that gave me mine 🥺🩷 I love you @ilovejohnkimble

Celebrating the 39th anniversary of Predator, one of Arnold’s best films, doing a discord watch party, in honor of @ilovejohnkimble 🥺 With some of her favorite people @BenWalker2001 @gradioactive4 @nikhilshantaram @PR_PackerNation Wish you were with us Vanessa ❤️ We will always keep your memory alive.

Vanessa, when you left this world it felt like I died with you. All that remains, is an empty shell of a man, a man without identity, without purpose, desire, hopes, dreams or motivation. I just want you back @ilovejohnkimble 💔💔😢 Without you, I’m this strange new person I don’t recognize. In losing you, I lost myself, I lost our future, I lost everything. This pain & emptiness is unbearable, it feels like an anchor has dragged me underwater and I’m drowning every second of every day, drowning in a sea of tears only created by sorrow. You were my soul mate, my partner, my one in eight billion. May you rest knowing you were loved so deeply 🩷

“I will endure a lifetime of missing you, for the privilege of loving you.” 9 months today since you left this world and my soul aches for you @ilovejohnkimble 💔 You’re in my thoughts every second of every day. Until we meet again in the stars, I love you Vanessa 🩷🦋

A year ago today, my mom flew down from NY to Florida to visit me & @ilovejohnkimble They had met briefly in New York in early 2024, but never got to spend any real time together. She stayed with me & Vanessa for over a week & I watched them bond & saw how my Mom instantly adored her. I mean how could you not? I was looking so forward to my family getting to know this beautiful soul, I wanted them to understand why I devoted my life to her and why she was my person. When my Mom left, I’ll never forget what she told me, “I see how happy she makes you, and that makes me so happy. I love how she loves you, I love that she gave you your smile back. You’re both so compatible and I just love her. I would be proud to call her my daughter-in-law.” That meant everything to me. Vanessa meant everything to me. Vanessa will ALWAYS mean everything to me. I am grateful my Mom got to meet her and hangout with her, although brief, she fell in love with her heart, just as I did 🥺❤️

3 years ago today was a memorable one, dinner at Taco Bell with @ilovejohnkimble for the very first time. Before I even got to know her, Vanessa was synonymous with Taco Bell because of her numerous tweets & love for it. Eating there with her in person was surreal and so special and I miss it. I miss the smallest moments, like her stealing all of my hot sauce and saying that I wasn’t allowed to have any, because she was all the hotness I needed and how dare I think otherwise lol. She was right. I love you forever beautiful, and I miss you more than I could ever say. I hope you knew that you were all I ever needed, and the only one I ever wanted 🩷🩷