Tuscaloosa Arby's

Be born. Watch alabama basketball. Mourn. Bewail. Suppress memories. Die. Eat Arby's.

everyone will dissect the nate oats divorce like game film, but nobody will discuss the possibility that crystal oats was simply kind of a bitch marriage is temporary. curly fries endure. enjoy arbys

We finally did it. We killed ourselves.

Alabama lost to Oregon in the NIL tournament. Life is a ceaseless cycle of hope and disappointment. Ducks get paid, Tide rolls out, and you’re left wondering why you ever cared. Eat curly fries. Die alone. Eat Arby’s.

Alabama lost to Oklahoma. The crimson tide recedes, leaving behind the cold truth: victory is temporary, and the void is eternal. Eat a sandwich while you wait to die. Eat Arby’s.

You thought we were gone?

Maybe we cannot escape from destiny, but we have a choice: to suffer through it, or to enjoy it with Arby’s 2 for $7 everyday value meal.

Here at Arby’s we love it when you say “can’t wait to die,” as though everything you’ve ever known is even a blip on an infinite timeline. Your entire existence and place in history as you understand it is less than nothing. Blue Collar Disconsolate. Eat Arby’s.

Arby’s for breakfast Arby’s at noon Eternal oblivion Will come for you soon Arby’s for supper Bama hoops didn’t win Let our curly fry vodka Induce you to suffer Eat Arby’s.

Sentience is nothing but a brutal torture laden prison sentence mashed between two eternities of black nothingness. Alabama basketball is meaningless. Eat Arbys.

How’s your new life working out for you in the new year? Ah, still reaching for the bourbon and anti-depressants? That’s what I thought. Death is your only release from the absolute hellscape that is Alabama Basketball fandom. Eat Arby’s.

The world will end. You’ll die. So will everyone you’ve ever known. Why do you care about Alabama losing to Davidson? Nothing matters. Enjoy Arby’s.

February isn’t over yet

Hello darkness, my old friend