Boobs prove that men can focus on two things at once 😘

If you catch me talking to myself, mind your business. It's a staff meeting. 🤌

Shortest Horror story: Monday 🤯

I wish people came with a 30 sec trailer, so I can see what kind of real mess I’m getting myself into 😮‍💨

Not saying you deserve a handjob from Edward Scissorhands… but I know a guy. ✂️

I finally got 8 hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, what a fucking year this week has been 😮‍💨🤦🏻‍♀️😈

Some of you should be grateful I don't have a dragon.

Lose your mind. Find your soul. (Yes, straight from my personal archives. And yes, it works.) 🖤

I look better in heels than handcuffs. But I’m willing to test that theory. 👠

MOST PEOPLE HAVE "AH HA" MOMENTS. I HAVE "OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, FUCK THIS SHIT" MOMENTS 👉👈

YOUR BLOODLINE WAITED CENTURIES FOR A MF LIKE YOU TO WAKE UP.

I don’t need your attitude… I BROUGHT MY OWN 😈

The doctor is out. Your worst nightmare is in.

I went for a ride.

After Tuesday, even the calender goes WTF 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm at the age where I don't correct my autocorrect anymore. If I text you "let's meef for lunvh", that's your puzzle to solve now.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck 🤫

I’m not saying I’m unforgettable, but good luck with that 💅

Rainy season, you know…