This kid has life figured out!

TED is BACK!

there’s nothing scarier than the split second where you lose your balance in the shower and think “oh god they’re going to find me naked”

I heard you're a player. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach.

I need a job that pays at least 10,000 dollars an hour..

I wish I had speakers built inside my shower.

"K." Well potassium to you too, motherfucker.

If you can say these 4 words fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius: 1: Eye 2: Yam 3: Stew 4: Peed

Top Five Rappers: 1. Eminem, 2. Slim Shady, 3. Marshall Mathers, 4. B Rabbit, 5. The white guy from D-12.

Just because two people fight doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, and just because two people don’t fight, doesn’t mean they do.

Every night, it's an endless battle between sleep and the internet.

If you watch Titanic backwards, it's a heart warming tale of a ship that jumps out of the water and saves lots of drowning people.

things that are enjoyable: • showers things that are not enjoyable: • getting in the shower • getting out of the shower

Take a second look at these logo fails, I'm laughing so hard goo.gl/YsG9rc - sp

Somedays, I wish I had more middle fingers.

I believe in second chances, I just don't think everyone deserves them...

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

I was going to do that, but then you told me to.

Of course my clothes are on the floor. That is where I hang them.

Dear food: Stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.