Ford Introduces Pumpkin Spice F-150

DEABORN, MI — Just in time for fall, motorists found out that they were in for a special seasonal treat, as the Ford Motor Company introduced the limited edition Pumpkin Spice F-150 pickup truck.

Woman Graciously Helps Men Avoid Lustful Thoughts By Wearing Romper

MONTPELIER, VT — Local resident Deborah Johnson says she has found the ultimate solution to helping the men around her avoid lustful thoughts: wearing a romper.

Man's Comedic Genius Wasted On Grocery Store Cashier

DENVER, CO — Local man Grant Henderson reported disappointment once again at having his sharp wit and keen sense of humor completely wasted on the cashier checking out his groceries.

Neighborhood Children Woefully Unprepared For Local Man Who Chooses Trick Over Treat

NAPERVILLE, IL — Dozens of neighborhood trick-or-treaters were left completely unprepared Tuesday evening after local resident Burt Ostler unexpectedly opted for "trick" when presented with the...

Can You Name Each Of These Sacred Relics From 1990s Christianity?

Brought to you by: Equipping the Persecuted

Ilhan Omar Starting To Regret Hiring Immigration Attorney From Quality Citizeship Center

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a raid on her home by federal agents from the Department of Homeland Security, U.S. Representative Ilhan Omar has expressed regret over hiring an immigration attorney from the...

Baptist Baseball Fans Torn Between Rooting For Team Named After Devil Or Team Named After Beer

ALPHARETTA, GA — A full-time Baptist and part-time baseball fan is reportedly struggling ahead of the coming World Series matchup between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, unsure...

Socialists Condemn Elon Musk For Redistributing Wealth

U.S. — Socialists around the country voiced their deep criticism this week of Elon Musk's plan to voluntarily redistribute his wealth to the nation's children.

DHS Brings In Maury To Reveal Results Of Omar DNA Test

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security brought in famed television host Maury Povich to reveal the results of Representative Ilhan Omar's DNA test.

Oregon Lawmakers Renew Push To Ban Guns Like The One Used To Take Down That School Shooter

SALEM, OR — After the tragic elementary school attack in the city of Bend, Oregon lawmakers have gathered in a renewed effort to ban the sort of gun that was used to take down the school shooter.

New Balance Releases All-In-One Men's Running, Church, Lounge, Hiking, Work, Tennis, Bowling, Date...

BOSTON, MA — Footwear brand New Balance announced a new line of men's shoes this week including a combo model for men on the go that can be worn while running, at church, lounging around the house,...

Do You Own Enough Swords? Take The Quiz!

Man With Strong Urge To Eat Wicker Basket Settles For Triscuit Instead

GRAND RAPIDS, MI — After experiencing a strong urge to eat a wicker basket, a man has decided to settle for the similarly rough texture and bland flavor of Triscuit snack crackers instead.

Free-Thinking Nonconformist Comes Out As Non-Binary Just Like Every Single One Of Her Friends

LAGUNA HILLS, CA—Local zoomer Danerys Williams has embraced her nonconformist ideology and shed the shackles of gender identity to become nonconformist just like every single one of her friends....

CDC Confident This Year's Flu Shot Highly Effective Against Last Year's Flu

ATLANTA — Officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced today that they are confident this year's flu shot will be highly effective against last year's strain of flu.

Protest Leaders Remind Rioters To Take Breaks To Pray Toward Mecca

PARIS — Devastating riots across France paused briefly this morning, and once this afternoon, for the Islamic call to prayer. It is expected to pause again this evening.

Aw, Crap: Girl You Like Just Called You Her 'Brother In Christ'

RENO, NV — Local college student Ethan Connor experienced a major dating setback Tuesday after the girl he had been secretly pining over for eight months referred to him as her "brother in Christ."

Hero Dad Survives Wife’s C-Section

KANSAS CITY, MO — Staff and onlookers broke out into rapturous applause after local hero Tom Kelson survived watching his wife undergo a C-section.