Elliott L. (@TheLapinator) profile picture

Elliott L.

@TheLapinator

Mostly here to make people think, smile, and laugh

 Houston, TX
Joined July 2016
  • Tweets16.8K
  • Following144
  • Followers714
This is going to be a multi-tweet thread. I will start out with the big news so as not to bury the lede. After 5.5 great years with the @HoustonChron /Houston Community Newspapers, today was my last day. In related news, I will be starting my MBA at the University of Alabama.
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Of course, if she's a really good spy, you don't expect it at all
Elliott L. (@TheLapinator) profile pictureElliott L.@TheLapinatorNov 11
Replying to @AP
Do you think your wife/girlfriend/mistress might be a spy?
100%Yes
0%No
1 votes • Final results
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From what I can gather from the couple promos for the #Baywatch reboot, the premise of the show is hot people in bathing suits (And that's the entire premise of the show)
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World class agent!
Polymarket Sports (@PolymarketSport) profile picturePolymarket Sports
@PolymarketSportNov 10
🚨Kirk Cousins is getting paid by 3 teams in 2026 Atlanta: $8 million base salary Las Vegas: $650,000 veteran minimum deal Minnesota: $650,000 veteran minimum deal + $10 million guaranteed roster bonus
Image from Polymarket Sports (@PolymarketSport)
Image from Polymarket Sports (@PolymarketSport)
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For a November 10, I have seen a shocking dearth of Edmund Fitzgerald posts
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I guess lighting people on fire is frowned upon these days
CBS Evening News with Tony Dokoupil (@CBSEveningNews) profile pictureCBS Evening News with Tony Dokoupil
@CBSEveningNewsNov 10
A fraternity at Ohio State University has been temporarily suspended while authorities investigate a video that appears to show two panicked men engulfed in flames. cbsn.ws/4zAykGq
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Texas A&M football fans: please don't let the Aggies have an 8-4 season! (monkey's paw curls)
Houston Chronicle (@HoustonChron) profile pictureHouston Chronicle
@HoustonChronNov 8
The Aggies lost for the third time in four games and guaranteed themselves a losing record in SEC play. bit.ly/484LRu2
Image from Houston Chronicle (@HoustonChron)
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Every once in a while, there's a Final Jeopardy! that I read ahead and already get the answer before the announcer has finished reading it
Jeopardy! (@Jeopardy) profile pictureJeopardy!
@JeopardyNov 5
Calling All Theater Kids 📣
Image from Jeopardy! (@Jeopardy)
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Remember, remember the fifth of November!
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What toothpaste do you expect me to use now??
Houston Chronicle (@HoustonChron) profile pictureHouston Chronicle
@HoustonChronOct 25
More than 4 million toothpaste tubes sold nationwide, including Barbie and Hot Wheels varieties marketed to children, are being recalled over manufacturing standards issues. houstonchronicle.com/news/ho…
Barbie, My Little Pony and other kids’ toothpastes included in nationwide recall

Barbie, My Little Pony and other kids’ toothpastes included in nationwide recall

More than 4 million toothpaste tubes sold nationwide, including Barbie and Hot Wheels varieties marketed to children, are being recalled over manufacturing standards issues.

houstonchronicle.com
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Can somebody who is good at statistics explain to me how they can project a winner with only a couple percentage points of the votes counted?
NBC News (@NBCNews) profile pictureNBC News
@NBCNewsNov 4
BREAKING: Democrat Chris Coons wins re-election to the U.S. Senate in Delaware, NBC News projects. nbcnews.to/4Aaf7va
BREAKING: Democrat Chris Coons wins re-election to the U.S. Senate in Delaware, NBC News projects. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2026-elections/delaware-senate-results

ALT BREAKING: Democrat Chris Coons wins re-election to the U.S. Senate in Delaware, NBC News projects. https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2026-elections/delaware-senate-results

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I'm still trying to figure out what a defensive strike is. 🤷
The Associated Press (@AP) profile pictureThe Associated Press
@APNov 3
BREAKING: The U.S. has conducted defensive strikes on some Iranian targets in the Strait of Hormuz, a U.S. official says. apnews.com/article/iran-us-t…
US has conducted defensive strikes on Iranian targets in the Strait of Hormuz, US official says

US has conducted defensive strikes on Iranian targets in the Strait of Hormuz, US official says

A U.S. official says the U.S. has conducted defensive strikes on some Iranian targets in the Strait of Hormuz. Iranian state television reported that explosions were heard on Qeshm Island.

apnews.com
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Is this sour grapes or more of a Machiavellian move?
Haley Stevens (@HaleyforMI) profile pictureHaley Stevens
@HaleyforMINov 1
I am endorsing Mike Rogers for the United States Senate today.
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Scorigami!
Scorigami (@ScorigamiGuy) profile pictureScorigami
@ScorigamiGuyNov 1
TEN 36 - CIN 43 🚨 SCORIGAMI 🚨 That is the 1098th unique score in NFL history, and the 3rd of the 2026 season.
Image from Scorigami (@ScorigamiGuy)
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Time for another old person complaint: The number of kids who showed up and opened their candy bags without saying "trick or treat" is alarming and a clear violation of the social contract!
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RIP
The Associated Press (@AP) profile pictureThe Associated Press
@APOct 29
BREAKING: Patrick Stewart, acting legend of "Star Trek" and "X-Men" fame, dies at 86. apnews.com/article/patrick-s…
Patrick Stewart, legendary actor of ‘Star Trek’ and 'X-Men' fame, dies at 86

Patrick Stewart, legendary actor of ‘Star Trek’ and 'X-Men' fame, dies at 86

Patrick Stewart, the classically trained stage actor who scaled the Shakespearean canon and added gravitas to a “Star Trek” franchise and the “X-Men” films, has died.

apnews.com
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As an Astros fan, does having been longtime (NL Central) division mates make you feel extra fondness for the Brewers?
0%Yes
0%No
0 votes • Final results
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I wonder if having a yard sign makes campaign door knockers more or less likely to knock on your door
Elliott L. (@TheLapinator) profile pictureElliott L.@TheLapinatorOct 28
Do you have a political candidate's yard sign in front of your house?
25%Yes
75%No
4 votes • Final results
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I've been snubbed again! #SMH
Pop Base (@PopBase) profile picturePop Base
@PopBaseOct 27
Noah Wyle has been named People’s Sexiest Man Alive of 2026.
Image from Pop Base (@PopBase)
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Do you have a political candidate's yard sign in front of your house?
25%Yes
75%No
4 votes • Final results
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I think he was the most joyful member of TOS bridge
The Associated Press (@AP) profile pictureThe Associated Press
@APOct 26
BREAKING: Actor Walter Koenig, known as Ensign Chekov on the original "Star Trek" series, has died at 90. apnews.com/article/walter-ko…
Walter Koenig, Ensign Chekov on the original 'Star Trek' series, dies at 90

Walter Koenig, Ensign Chekov on the original 'Star Trek' series, dies at 90

Actor Walter Koenig, known for playing Ensign Pavel Chekov on “Star Trek,” has died at 90. His talent agent confirmed he passed away Monday at his home in Los Angeles.

apnews.com
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