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Not Tim Cook

@TimothyCookothy

This account is a parody and not affiliated with Tim Cook or Apple Inc.

 Cupertino, CA
instagram.com/timothycookothy
Joined February 2019
  • Tweets1.4K
  • Following0
  • Followers17.1K
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Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)Photo by Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)
We brought back the glowing Apple logo so that you’re instantly noticeable while larping at your local coffee shop.
Image from Not Tim Cook (@TimothyCookothy)
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We were running out of ideas for new products, so we started combining the iPad with everything else. iPhone Duo = iPad + iPhone Homeview = iPad + HomePod Next up: iPad + MacBook. We think you’re going to love it.
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Introducing AirPod. We’re now going to sell each AirPod separately to increase shareholder value.
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Now that Apple has a new CEO, it’s no longer “Steve Jobs wouldn’t have allowed this.” It’s now “Tim Cook wouldn’t have allowed this.” Good luck to John Ternus.
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The iPhone Duo was designed for right-handed users. If you’re left-handed, we suggest you become right-handed.
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We made the iPhone 17 Pro bright orange so that we can easily identify those who haven’t upgraded to the iPhone 18 Pro.
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If you don’t adapt your iOS app to the iPhone Duo, we’re going to increase your App Store tax from 30% to 65%.
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Incredibly proud of John Ternus for increasing the price of the new iPhone. He’s going to be a great CEO.
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Even though it’s my last day as CEO, I will remain on the board to ensure that Apple continues to raise its prices, regardless of who the CEO is.
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Apple’s global water consumption will increase due to the AI-powered features in iOS 27. We therefore ask you, our loyal customers, to drink less water to offset our increased consumption.
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If you’re wondering why there isn’t a black iPhone 17 Pro, it’s because we plan on releasing in 6 months to boost our stagnant sales.
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I can’t remember the last time I blinked in one of our videos.
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The only reason we listened to you all and made a matte black MacBook Pro after all these years is because we’re desperate and under pressure from the shareholders to increase our lacklustre Mac sales.
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I’m bored of Apple.
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I’m financially ruined.
Mark Gurman (@markgurman) profile pictureMark Gurman
@markgurman12 Jan 2023
Apple CEO Tim Cook’s pay will fall over 40% in 2023 (from $99.4 million to $49 million) after shareholder feedback and a recommendation from Cook after that feedback. bloomberg.com/news/articles/….
Apple’s Tim Cook Takes Rare CEO Pay Cut After Pushback

Apple’s Tim Cook Takes Rare CEO Pay Cut After Pushback

Apple Inc. is cutting Chief Executive Officer Tim Cook’s compensation by more than 40% to $49 million in 2023, citing investor guidance and a request from Cook himself to adjust his pay.

bloomberg.com
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We sell the same shit every year. Even I can’t tell whether these phones are from this year or last year…
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Are parody accounts allowed, or not? Asking for a friend.
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It’s my birthday, so do me a favor and buy all of our products to give Apple stock a boost.
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