Tony “Boss” Balls

Just seen 2 Jewish guys go on shark tank. They didn’t even have a product just asked for money.

I’m gonna kill myself

I’m sensing a catastrophic event in my near future. Maybe as soon as tonight. The visions aren’t clear but I’m sensing death from DUI driver.

100° in September and dudes don’t believe in global warming

Freshman year was full of so much whimsy. Now dudes talking about not going to their grandpas funeral unless he denounces a frat 😭✌️.

I killed a woman in my dreams. I believe by strangulation.

How old were you when you discovered Steely Dan was the goat #LANK

I feel like the Israel hate is starting to die. New internet trend will prolly be hating on Muslims.

How are these DoorDashers always on the phone who are they talking to

Would you rather get in the car with a drunk male or a sober woman behind the wheel

That 2 month time period where I’m 21 and she’s 15 is gonna be awkward

This must be how black people feel when they listen to chief keef

Pretty sure I’m responsible for my coworker getting fired

Almost sent her a reel mid argument

I wish I was in Spider-Man’s situation and my ex forgot who I was. I would remind her by hitting her with a mean right hook #Whore #DumbBitch

Blow up Spain now Donald Trump please

Fuck you Justin Herbert I will be hate watching you for the rest of your career

Deep down WE just want to call our gfs mommy

“I’m gonna get drunk alone in my room and then piss on the floor” - my freshman year roommate

How long until LinkedIn burners become a thing?

Thank god the Batman got delayed another year I was busy that weekend