UK Track and Trace

09:07 19/01/21 - one of our previous trial users Derek have been staying in and not left the house at all in 6 months. We have rewarded him by triggering a serotonin boost into his body. Well done Derek. But please take a shower. #TrackandTrace

As previous trials went well, we are looking forward to switching on our new track and trace machine. Geoff used to work in a car manufacturing plant inserting plugs. Now hes helping us monitor each time Margaret visits Cyril illegally for their one on one bingo. #TrackandTrace

Our computers are lighting up with little dots of where all the vaccine users are. So glad this implant technology is working.

09:45 05/12/20 - Andrew Robson left his house this morning at 6am and travelled to queue up at primark with his wife. He is still queuing. She wants cheap underwear and he needs socks. Plus a Christmas jumper for work. Idiot.

08:40 04/12/20 - Owen Gregory was out early this morning feeding his fish. He's in tier 3. He gave his fish a substantial meal and poured some Stella into the pond with it.

11:18 03/12/20 - Mary Burke just met with 2 other people in her house. Not really. Mary has no friends. She does like American gladiators though.

12:45 02/12/2020 - Stuart Williams just took his third trip to the fridge to check if there is anything to eat. We assume he still can't decide. We suggest a shopping trip.

00:17 01/12/20 - Eric Jameson just woke up needing a poo. He shouldn't have had that extra burrito.

23:37 1/12/20 - Jackie Smith just nipped to tesco, we hope she remembers the milk, her calcium levels are low. She best go straight home after. We arnt out of lockdown yet.

Wow, we can't beleive that our testers actually took the vaccine that we hid the tracking devices in. Cant wait to roll this out countrywide.