I Heard In Waitrose

"But Mummy, if we aren't going on a plane then it's not a real holiday."

"Make sure we only get 2 packs, dear. We don't want the cashier thinking we're only buying them because they're 3 for £10."

'Verity put that 'essential' stuff down! When I married you we agreed not to compromise on the quality of our balsamic vinegar.'

"Put those crisps back, William! You know the type of people that eat crisps."

"Philip, can you remember whether Camilla prefers the South African or the Australian red?"

"Mummy, are you sure we have enough hand wash for ALL of the bathrooms?"

"I know Tesco is closer, but I will most certainly not allow Beatrice's pony to eat Everyday Value straw."

"Darling don't be so silly, we can't shop at Sainsbury's. Their colour scheme doesn't match our Range Rover."

"Victor please ensure it is a good champers for the strawberries this time."

"I told you we shouldn't have come to this till. The woman in front of us is paying using bronze coins."

"No, Quentin, put it back. That toaster doesn't even have a bagel setting."

"An Easter egg? Only if it's quail."

"A 'buy one, get one free' offer? Dear me, they'll start attracting all sorts now."

"Be careful, Hugo. I don't want you bumping into any of those people who only come in here for the free coffee."

"Hurry up and fetch mummy the asparagus, Charles. That man's coming to clean the pool in fifteen minutes."

"My God, the chilled aisle is rather nippy. Good thing I brought my mink coat today."

"Jeremy, find a cake I can pass off as homemade for the village fête."

"No, sweetheart, we don't need a pheasant this week. Daddy picked one up hunting last night."

"I do like Sainsbury's; it keeps all of the riff-raff out of here."

"Children these days... I blame the au pairs."