WellnesMe

My wife and I couldn't have kids. We decided a number of years ago to adopt out of the foster system. We were told it could be a long wait, possibly many years. We lucked out and found our kids within just a few months and just about a year after we started the process they were living in our home, about 8 months later legally adopted. Biological siblings. We felt extremely fortunate, even blessed you might say. Coming from the foster system however they came with some fairly severe behavioral issues and the years that have passed so far have been hard faught, but very fulfilling as well. We've all grown to love each other very much now and while the behavioral issues are still prominent, we're doing great overall. Then my cancer diagnosis hit. We're barely four years in and... Cancer. At first we were going for "cure". Four rounds of FLOT (chemo & immuno) which was pretty brutal, then surgery to remove my diseased esophagus and the tumor. This turned into a likely gastrectomy too just days before the scheduled surgery on July 28th 2026. Surgeon noted from most recent pet scan that there was excessive stomach involvement, so they would be removing most if not all of my stomach too. Day of surgery wife and I could tell something was up with the surgeon; seemed uncertain about the success of the surgery and started talking about potentially placing a stent instead, but, the goal is the full surgery. So, I knew going in that if I wake up with tubes coming out of me everywhere, surgery was a success and I'm on the path to being cured (then it was supposed to be four more FLOT treatments to "clean up" anything remaining). But if I woke up with no tubes, the surgery was aborted and the situation much more dire. I woke up just a few hours later with no tubes and my wife crying next to me. The following day we received the news, stage 4, terminal. Since then things have been different in every respect, our lives in complete upheavel. Kids didn't take the news well initially but eventually as of now, they've adapted. While aware, they're living life as more normal than my wife and I have been managing. Being a life long atheist I decided to look for God. We've been going to church on Sundays for a couple months now and while I can't say I've found God, or know that I will, I see the benefits for my family. So, I go despite not making the connection yet myself --> still trying. A few weeks ago my wife and I were discussing signs, how God could be gearing us up for this and could have been for years now. This is something I feel really terrible and guilty about now, but, once we found out I was terminal, I felt sorry for my wife, that she was going to have to raise our kids, an absolute handful and then some, completely on her own. To me, I was leaving her high and dry so to speak. But that night, weeks ago, when we were talking God and signs, she reminded me of how easily and quickly our search and adoption went for our kids. She then told me, maybe that was God ensuring that she wouldn't be alone when I pass, that maybe he paired us all up so she would have them after I was gone and wouldn't be alone and wouldn't have to mourn me alone. I don't know why I never looked at it this way, but of course the smart ass atheist in me immediately said "well, I hope not cause that guarantees I'm toast!". But, she reminded me that maybe that wasn't the plan, maybe it is survival and this is to bring us all closer together, put us through something horrific to bring us closer together. I don't know either way what's true, if there is a God and/or if this is all his plan. What I do know is I thank that God every day that I married such a beautiful soul to see things how I never could. That, and my kids, are a blessing regardless of my beliefs. For that, I am eternally grateful.