Zola In Recovery

It’s my birthday and I’m definitely feeling the love.

Taryn and I have been having a blast collaborating. She thinks it’s cool that I’m using her art to make more art, and that she’s even making a little money from it. All profits from anything having to do with Taryn or Biggest Picture go directly into savings for her Disney trip next year. All pieces are for sale on Depop under my Zola in Recovery account. #autismmomlife #autisminclusion #biggestpicture #handmade #tarynisabellaart

My birthday is next week. Please don’t feel obligated to, but if anyone wants to send me a card, I’d love and appreciate it. Thanks in advance. Zola M PO Box 1500 La Grande, OR. 97850

I made a promise to Taryn when she moved in that no matter what she did, Biggest Picture would always be safe. She’s finally starting to trust that. In the past, her former caregivers would sometimes cut up or throw away pieces of her artwork as a consequence when her behavior became especially violent or difficult to manage. But the behaviors never changed long term, despite some pretty significant punishments, because what we were dealing with wasn’t simply a behavioral issue. There were neurological and sensory needs underneath it that punishment couldn’t address. She still has hard days, of course, but since starting medication, she hasn’t had any issues with violence. She still argues plenty, but she’s much more open to negotiation and compromise. Most importantly, she’s able to stop, think, and use her coping skills instead of going from zero to 100 before she can process what’s happening. Even before medication, though, destroying her artwork was one consequence I wasn’t willing to use. Biggest Picture and the characters she creates are incredibly important to her, and I believe there are plenty of ways to set boundaries and hold someone accountable without destroying something they treasure. I don’t say that with hate toward anyone. We’re all doing the best we can with the knowledge and tools we have at the time, and caring for someone with significant support needs can be incredibly challenging. I do wish there had been more openness to trying different approaches when it became clear that certain consequences were only producing short-term compliance rather than meaningful, lasting change. For a while, she stopped adding to Biggest Picture because she wanted him to travel with us next year. I eventually talked her into bringing a Ziploc full of her favorite characters instead and letting Biggest Picture stay safely at home. So now she’s happily back at it. ❤️ And considering how much he’s growing, I’m very curious to see what she decides to do when she officially runs out of room. 😂 I’ll keep you guys posted. #autism #art #autismacceptance #autismawareness #autisminclusion

Chapter 10 of my memoir is live on my Substack. I will say, this one was probably the hardest to write thus far. Read the whole chapter here: substack.com/@zolainrecovery…

It’s wild to me when someone tells me I shouldn’t post my daughter on social media because she’s disabled, or that I should keep her and her disability private. Why? She’s perfect. She’s a gift from God. I’m not going to hide her away because some ableist assholes are uncomfortable seeing a disabled person existing openly and unapologetically in the world. I ask her before I turn on the camera if she minds being filmed. Usually she says yes. Sometimes she says no, and when she says no, we don’t film. It’s really not that complicated. I’m not embarrassed by her. I’m not ashamed of her. Her disability isn’t some dirty little secret that needs to be hidden from public view, and I’m certainly not going to let anyone make either of us feel like it should be. Disabled people exist. They’re allowed to be seen. They’re allowed to take up space in their communities, both online and offline. They’re allowed to share their lives, their art, their personalities, their joy, and their struggles just like everyone else. If seeing my daughter on your feed makes you uncomfortable, feel free to block me. But maybe do some soul-searching about why the existence and visibility of a disabled person bothers you so much in the first place. #autismawareness #autismacceptance #autismmom #autisminclusion #Level3Autism

No Do-Overs, Only Do-Betters How I learned to Survive Before I Learned How to Live: Part 1, Chapters 1-10 Read it here: substack.com/@zolainrecovery…

This is “Biggest Picture.” Biggest picture is a he/him, and I don’t know why her art work gets a gender but we just accept it. My daughter, Taryn, has been making art like this since she was about 7 years old. Some of it is printed, some of it is traced, and some of it is drawn freehand. It’s very hard to tell what’s what. #autisminclusion #autismacceptance #autismawareness #talent #artist

Read the full chapter here: open.substack.com/pub/zolain…

Man my kid is so talented and creative. 💜 #autism #autismawareness #autismacceptance #artist

Someday, I’d like to open a small nonprofit kennel service where I can foster pets for free for people who have to go to jail, treatment, sober living, or a shelter where they can’t bring their fur babies with them. You wouldn’t believe how many people stay in bad or unsafe situations because they don’t know what to do with their pets and don’t have anyone they trust to care for them. And the number of animals that end up at the pound because their owners get picked up for something minor, then can’t afford to get them out or don’t meet certain requirements to reclaim them, is heartbreaking. Sometimes, knowing your pet is safe and will still be there when you get back on your feet could make the difference between someone staying stuck and someone finally being able to get help.

It’s my youngest daughter’s 18th birthday. No one can use my kids as tools to hurt and control me anymore. I can finally speak the truth without fear of retaliation or retribution. I am finally free.

Read the next chapter here: open.substack.com/pub/zolain…

This kid. She makes me proud every single day. She has made so much progress, and I’m happy to say we haven’t had a single violent outburst or screaming meltdown since she started her medication in May. When she starts to get worked up, she no longer goes from zero to 100. She’s open to negotiation and compromise, and she actively uses coping skills to calm herself down. Now that she’s no longer stuck in constant sensory overload, she asks to see people and hardly spends any time locked in her room. She talks so much more, and she laughs and plays with me and her stepdad all the time. We have pillow fights, play keep-away, and make up silly songs about each other. In the past, I had to force her to go pretty much anywhere. She would say, “Taryn stays here!” and it was a fight just to get her out the door. More often than not, taking her places was a nightmare because she was so overwhelmed that she would scream, bite, and hit herself. Now she wants to go everywhere I go and asks to go places all the time. Lately, she’s even been asking to go for long drives. She used to barely sleep. She would be awake all night, every night, only occasionally falling asleep for a few hours here and there. Now she sleeps through the night, every night. She has a consistent schedule and routine, and wakes up every morning feeling rested and ready to go. Say what you will about mental health medication, but it has given my daughter an actual life. I am so grateful and so happy for her. She is still completely herself, sassy, opinionated, stubborn, and she still loves making artwork, singing, and dancing. She just has a much bigger world now. I am happy for her and I’m grateful I get to be by her side for all of her adventures. #level3autism #autismawareness #autismacceptance #autisminclusion

When I first got off drugs, I was a 30-year-old woman working in fast food. I had been in and out of homeless shelters and couch surfing while I fought to stay clean. Twelve-ish years later, I’m a Jail Diversion Coordinator and Therapist for an entire county, with a crazy amount of degrees, certifications, and fancy letters behind my name. We all gotta start somewhere.

Character development is a beautiful thing. #wedorecover

Chapter 7 of my book is uploaded to my Substack. Read it here: open.substack.com/pub/zolain…