black pepper cracker

Sweating profusely, scrawling with a large quill at a wooden writing desk, back quaking with my laboured breathing. I am fevered, the candle flickers from a draft as a storm beats outside. The camera cuts to the parchment on which I lay my thoughts. “Tex-mex mille-feuille”

Aw jeez Lois I haven’t been this stressed since I was the last guy to finish in that threesome

Sending u up texts to the polycule groupchat

They designed walking through Soho in a lab to be the most unpleasant experience humanly possible

Fucked up at the function whittling a pipe in the corner

Some of y’all afraid to moan during sex. Not me. I start Mongolian throat singing as soon as she breaks the waistband.

Braising mushrooms with white wine and crème fraiche like the fat useless chud I am

Mum just said I play dungeons and warhammer in front of a baddie at the garden centre

If you ate dry pasta as a kid you’re probably class at giving head now

It’s like nobody wants to make out in the pub smoking area anymore

Goonslop for misogynistic 15 year olds and those grifter streamers who prey on them

I’m putting my load in these potato skins

Commissioning a tailor to make me a carhartt wizard’s robe

Sorry baby I’m not spoiling you this month I’m buying Japanese fish prints

I’m grade 8 on the ocarina

I’m so sorry to my loyal followers i used to post absolute heat