@_chase_____

girl writer | editor @reductress | writing in @newyorkerhumor @mcsweeneys @theonion | https://xitter.cf/t.co/ywCjXok4HX | @mckayleygourley.bsky.social | she/her

 nyc
mckayleygourley.com
Joined December 2019
  • Tweets7.1K
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obsessed with working in a coworking space. i just walked past a meeting room where 5 guys were standing around a white board that just had the word “money” written on it. like BUSINESS is happening here. these are DISRUPTERS
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imagine if instead of the brothers grimm it was the brothers grin. whole different ball game
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got up early and decided to go have a quiet morning at the park :) i got there and there was a children’s marathon (?) going on, what appeared to be an off-leash dog party, two separate engagement photoshoots, and ofc a helicopter just hovering above it all :) 7:30am
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my bf is from boston and occasionally he’ll do something that feels vaguely british. he refers to his dresser as his “bureau” and it’s like ok sherlock holmes ?? what do u keep in there? cold cases from the 1800s? ur velvet smoking jacket? an emerald tie-pin from queen victoria?
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“let me check my bureau for my pocketbook” u guys sound like accountants
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trying to be quiet when u get up in the morning so as to not wake the other people in ur house and then immediately dropping 6 bowling balls on the hardwood floor in quick succession
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which war did captain underpants fight in
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not a painter but it’s not illegal for me to give advice i checked
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chase retweeted
kevin@Ke7inBurkeOct 22
My two cats aren't very close. One of them likes to play with string. The other one prefers springs. It's subtle, but apparently too big of a bridge to gap
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i love having a clean apartment :) not including under things, behind things, up high spots, inside closets, or the crack between the counter and the oven of course :) also anything close up
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if u sit outside for a while the wind will blow a bunch of acorns out of the trees and they’ll hit u and everyone around u on the head / body. u and some older gentleman and a woman and her daughter and a guy chilling by his moped. that’s kind of what outside is all about
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i like yellow lights bc they’re vaguely threatening but also they don’t have an opinion one way or the other. that’s so me :)
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do not attempt to reorganize your closet. u will only provoke it
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where does marie condo stand on shoving a bunch of shit in ur closet and then closing the door
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never tell ur boyfriend about a new show ur watching. bc then he’ll want to watch it with u and he’ll slow u way down with his lackluster binge watching endurance. he’s like that mouse with that cookie kind of or maybe not i don’t know i just want to watch my showwwwww
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i am watching haunted hotel. sorry was
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put ur phone down. be bored. lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. imagine the ceiling’s the floor and the floor’s the ceiling. count ur teeth with your tongue. get up to 39. that can’t be right. start over. 36. still too many. go back on ur phone. u did this all wrong
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i like when a greeting card already has a note pre written in there for you :) then u write ur own little note below it like hi haha that was the card before but it’s me now
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totally forgot ur workout can be anything u want. just saw a guy riding his bike while simultaneously swinging a heavy metal chain in one hand. why am i on a jog
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“it’s rude to be on your phone at a restaurant” i know i’m so sorry i just remembered tortoises and needed to google about them really quick. it couldn’t wait unfortunately. age, size, etc.
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went through my entire wardrobe and purged all of the clothes i never wear and absolutely do not need and i’m proud to say i got rid of 3 shirts — or wait no this one could maybe work if i cropped it and wore it as part of a halloween costume … ok 2 shirts! i got rid of 2 shirts
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