Oreoluwa A.

That interview with the Christian couple still sticks with me. The man described their first year of marriage as living “la vida loca,” constantly exploring and enjoying sex in different ways every day. Meanwhile, his wife was crying in the bathroom because she felt overwhelmed by the frequency and hated that it happened every single day. This is why communication is necessary in intimacy, and why aftercare and post-sex conversations matter. Don’t just clean up, turn over, and go to sleep. Check in with your partner, whether right afterward or after resting and cuddling. Ask how they felt, whether they were pleasured, if anything was overwhelming, what they enjoyed or didn’t, whether they orgasmed, and what they’d like done differently. These conversations help you understand your partner’s needs, establish what is pleasurable for both of you, and ensure you’re not unknowingly overwhelming them or leaving needs unmet. Several tweets branded it “sexual incompatibility,” but I don’t think that’s true. Sometimes this “incompatibility” is just selfishness and lack of consideration. A little intentionality, consideration, and communication can go a long way toward resolving issues that couples might otherwise let fester.