Listen, Derek… I think we’ve identified the problem. The players are clearly lacking team spirit. So I’ve spoken to Russell Martin and we’ve come up with a solution… 6am tomorrow morning. Loch Lomond. No wetsuits. No towels. No excuses

Tavernier Leadership? I’m sorry, but pointing and shouting after you’ve lost your man isn’t leadership that’s damage control A captain’s meant to set standards, not apologise for them every other week. 👋

Gassama didn’t just miss the goal he cleared the stadium, the parking lot, and probably landed it somewhere in Glasgow Airport

How on earth has that goal been allowed to stand? Honestly, what are they looking at? We’ve got VAR, slow motion, lines all over the screen… and somehow a striker standing a yard offside is apparently fine now

We’re told VAR is there to clear up the obvious mistakes, aye? Well if that’s not obvious then I genuinely don’t know what is.

Told yous all at the start wrong man, wrong time, wrong haircut. Should’ve left him at Loch Lomond

Mikey Moore running about like he’s discovered football for the first time. Kid’s about as threatening as a wet Sunday League whistle.

sacked Gio van Bronckhorst for breathing too heavy after a draw with Livingston. And here you are, taking the lads swimming in Loch Lomond, two down before the pies are cold. At least Gio took us to a Europa League final. You’ve taken us to the bottom half of the table

It’s not about the result, it’s about the performance.’ Russell, son… you lost to Genk, threw Diomande under the bus, and called that a performance. Comedy club

“Russell, son… you thought a wee 2–0 against Hibs saved you? Aye right. Dundee win and now we’re 11th. ELEVENTH. I’ve seen ski resorts with better positions than that. You’ve had us doing lengths in Loch Lomond, crumbling like biscuits, and now sinking below Dundee

He’s not taking protests personally… Not personally? Russell, they’re holding up banners with your haircut on it. If that’s not personal, I don’t know what is.

I’m raging, lads. Absolutely raging. Five games gone and we’re tenth ..tenth! And I’ve got to watch my team splashing about like they’re on a school trip? I want blood and thunder, not bloody rubber dinghies. Martin’s finished. He should stay in the loch

Russell, son, let me get this straight ,the team’s in tenth place, the fans are raging, you’ve just been humiliated by Hearts and your big masterplan is to take the boys for a dip in Loch Lomond? Aye, very good. Maybe next week you can try mini-golf.

Listen, Russell, son… I’ve seen some bad starts in my time, but you’ve managed to take the biscuit, the tray, and the whole tea set with this one. Tenth place? At Rangers? That’s not a league position, that’s a bus route.

Tremendous signing for the pars 👏 👏