turnip

du west fest?? more like poo pest shit!!!!!!!!

to all the people who have called me “dog ass” or “pig dog” today: I hear you. 🙏

what u fail to understand is that I have many bad problems. problems that would make u shit and piss and cry and yet? i don’t place that burden on others around me. i don’t assign blame to the many bastards and losers

several ppl i am in community with have said deeply cruel things about me… suffice it to say the word “dipshit” has been bandied about in a way that makes my toes curl

in 2023 i will become more comfortable with confrontation and reply to Saturday night live’s many desperate/clingy emails to hire me with a firm No… i am committed to being the number one inactive comedian in corso Italia Toronto Canada

my contributions to the group chat are being met with deafening silence... and that's ok!!!!

“I’m a creep” “I’m a weirdo” ok?? Well im Tom!!!!!!!

smiling with genuine warmth and wet glassy eyes as i fast forward through The Voice season 22

rumour mill working overtime today to claim that I stink like shit. but the evidence simply isn’t there

when i feel uncomfortable?? let’s just say the term “awkwardsauce” is preeeetty applicable

i think if i surpassed 330 followers it would just make me nervous...

pretty sure i just saw colin mochrie ripping a dart at tricolore…

i sit down to pee. to shake off the last few drops i stand up and make several swift humping motions that send my penis into a flurry, sprinkling piss droplets over the sink, my belly, and my face. we are not the same.

check out the slimy plants we made for @heaven4R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

doctor i think i hurt my

i was today years old when i learned about war :(

pastor just told me that i look “narsty”??

i have just signed on to direct the a24 remake of D.E.B.S.

u could never make a movie like D.E.B.S. today and that says a lot…