I have to give a presentation at a local museum in the morning (?) and I’m pulling the classic “I will wake up early and start it then”. Tomorrow’s stressor nonetheless
Sometimes I just want somebody to tell me I’m doing a good job and acknowledge what I have done through the impossible and unbearable but these are the kinds of things I write in my journal, cry over, and realize that I don’t need that from anyone other than myself. So it goes
I say this as if I don’t strictly devote myself to my hobbies, rituals, creative and soul related pastimes, etc, every single day and don’t live a full life. My bullshit is important to me too though
Shame is almost unbelievable in how fucked up it is. I have deep true love for myself and my life and yet every time the feeling of my right to exist comes up I become convinced the people of the world are pining for me to be slaughtered finally. Insane and nonsensical and yet
I am constantly having dreams where people pretend I do not exist and I am left ashamed of the burden of my existence as an evil force on society who can only exist out of pathetic spite. Will these ever go away?
