DOCTOR: How long has it been since your last checkup?
ME: You tell me, “Mister President.”
DOCTOR: I’m not the president.
ME: No shit, Sherlock. I didn’t vote for you.
DOCTOR: I’m not Sherlock.
ME: Who?
DOCTOR: Knock knock.
How come the ONLY time that anyone ever has to “swear” an oath to tell the truth around here is when they’re being questioned in a courthouse, and not, say… running to take over the White House? 🤔
They should use AI as election moderators. They would always be unbiased and follow all of the rules, mute microphones when time was up, and could automatically fact check any false claims and/or madeup data on the spot 🤖🗳️🤪💡
I stopped tweeting ("exting"?) shortly after @elonmusk ruined this place. But I wanted to hop back on to say I'm voting for @KamalaHarris and I believe you should too.
Me: Where’s your restroom?
Bartender: Down that hall, second door on the left.
Me: Thank y-
Bartender: The one with the ‘M’ on it.
Me: [walking away, to myself] Did… did they think I didn’t know what my gender was? Or how bathrooms work? Or both…?
Gene Grant retweeted
every movie should have a part where it flashes MEANWHILE ON SKULL ISLAND and they show us what king kong up to
