bug 🐇

ALT at dream’s last concert, 27 september 2023, i was sexually assaulted. two blocks from the venue i got catcalled, and all day after i was self-conscious about my outfit. i debated buying a jacket to cover up but thought i’d be fine, it’s not like anything would happen to me in a group that loves safety and positivity. (famous last words.) the venue was super crowded, barely any personal space. i tried to stay back but ended up in a sea of people so deep i couldn’t leave unless i pushed my way out. i tried to distract myself from how overwhelming it was by hyperfocusing on my filming. especially for a song i really loved at the time. it was loud and bright and still very crowded so i didn’t notice the stranger behind me moving closer, not til i felt a hand touch my hip.

ALT i was mid-recording and didn’t want to unpack what was happening so i just. kept filming. i tried to convince myself it was accidental but after a bit i felt more, this time painful and only getting worse. i looked down and all i saw was their hand in the dark, low on my hip. then i couldn’t quite breathe but i was frozen in place and they just. kept touching me. i’m not comfortable sharing the rest. some time after the song ended, dissociated, i noticed an open space ahead of me. i stepped forward, the movement jolted their hands off me, and after that the stranger stayed gone. from that point i was on autopilot, numb and dissociating worse. i managed to cut the video to post, hoping i got out all the bad parts, and filmed the next song. my hands were shaking but i really didn’t want to process it so i pretended i was fine.

ALT eventually the show was over and i called an uber. i barely managed to drag myself in, trying to convince myself i was shaking from the cold and not from fear. it was a mix of both but i knew damn well i couldn’t hide forever. my driver even checked on me because i shook so badly my teeth chattered. the whole time i just wanted to get home and scrub my skin raw to get phantom hands off me. i was gifted a cat beanie while queuing and i clung to it for the whole drive to ground myself. thank you, kind stranger. then i was home, and i shattered. i took the night to crack and scream and cry and delete the footage to wipe it from my life. (i’ve still seen other footage on socials. even scrolling past it makes me ill.) and that was that.

ALT to be frank i didn’t want to share this; i don’t want pity or to stay haunted by this. i just have one message: supporting victims means all victims. i’m so disgusted by the takes i’ve seen lately: twisting the definition of consent to invalidate victims’ stories, saying a victim should’ve done more to stop her own assault, saying a victim is “lucky” to be assaulted rather than raped. even dream’s reddit post. it’s sickening that he too has been dismissive of sa when it can even happen thirty feet from his fucking stage. i beg you all, support victims. not just the ones you agree with or the ones who accuse people you don’t like, all of us. it shouldn’t take graphic details or a secondary confirmation just for you to conjure a shred of empathy, all we ask is to be heard when we are so brave to speak. listen.