Captain Trousers

If you hardly ever buy Fairy Liquid, how can you expect anyone to have any faith in your endorsement of it? #notthatstupid

Smug alert! Patronising arrogant high-flyer (who hasn't been found out yet) on #Bbcqt

This new pope doesn't seem to be wearing any trousers #NewPope

Happy Mothers Day (if you're a mother - if you're not, then I don't care whether your day is happy or not).

Had a game of pool today. I got soaked

I know a bloke who thought Fleetwood Mac was a coat people wear in Lancashire

I like Mr Shirt's new song "I Need A Collar"

#ISWEARIHateWhenPeople Roll up their bloody trousers

#TheMostAnnoyingThingsInLife When people roll up their trousers to make shorts

I'm here now - I fight for good and that. And while I'm at it I'll muck about on Twitter a bit

#SongsThatWillNeverGetOld Dead Babies - Alice Cooper