herb power retweeted
they got the damn smooth filter on jake tapper. that fella is up there looking like a wax figure
today a guy at work was sincerely trying to say only men over 6’ should be firefighters, so i was like “that’s funny because i know for a fact one of the most decorated firemen in us history is 5’7” and he was like “how do you even know that?” and i said “because he’s my dad” lol
apparently it’s not an ear infection but some kind of jaw muscle thing from chewing too much gum. i am trying to quit the nic pouches and have been gnawing like an entire pack of trident a day. what a stupid life
i have an ear infection that is so bad my jaw is swollen open but i have no insurance so im just thugging it out. it would be pretty funny if i died and this was my last post
it’s not enough for a beautiful woman to love me. i also need her to be disgusted by my presence a little bit
one of the funny parts of choosing not to have children is how comparatively silly your life becomes when your siblings get married and have kids. had to stop myself from telling my family that a certain week didn’t work for vacation “because i really want to see oasis”
herb power retweeted
More people are addicted to weed because true alcoholism takes incredible willpower
there’s actually a regulation that all variety packs of anything must have one item that sucks. that’s why variety packs contain weird flavors and chips you’ve never heard of. it’s the law













