Never ask a woman her age, never ask a man how many packets of Quaker Oats instant oatmeal he eats in one sitting
Favorite Dad call of the year happens the first week of January: meticulously going over Colts playoff scenarios, pre-mourning a lost season, eventually reaching the conclusion 'just make it in and don't embarrass yourselves'.
*enters store looking for a single extremely specific item*
Employee: can I help you find anything?
Me: nope just looking around
Worst part of being in a relationship is the feedback loop from when both of you have the same song stuck in your head. We almost didn't survive the "Kiss From A Rose" protracted struggle of '18.
I love walking tours but there's nothing more embarrassing than being on one. Making eye contact with a resident. Humiliating
Ah crap, we forgot the...I guess, do you have scotch tape? Yeah just tape it to the side that's good enough - the guy who designed compressed air containers
Finally got to a point in my life where I can't reliably name a single baseball player. A lifted burden.
The wrecking ball feels very medieval. "Throw a boulder at it" is unbeatable for small scale demolitions I guess
the iron man movies are mostly about them figuring out dumber and dumber ways for tony to put the suit on

