playboi carhartti

Spaceships My father 🤝 Not equipped with rear view mirrors, dip as quick as they can

Let this be a lesson, don’t drop a song about wanting your team to win a championship, especially if the shit is butt cheeks

All I truly want is a week long vacation to Disney World to play golf.

This could be the best hockey game of all time. It’s 9 seconds in.

Some things are inexcusable, like having a no steeze push

Bianca said she thought I’d be one of those dudes that wears those rubber wedding rings, so I’m single now.

It was scary how good I felt on my skates last night after not skating in a year.

“Lying is good sometimes” - @biancawonkaa

I love the part in Xcore music when they go, “OOH!”

I called this shit

Sideburns Battle! John Popper of Blues Traveller VS Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

I officiated a wedding of two of my dearest friends, and had this absolute smoke show on my arm. I can’t comprehend the magnitude of this W for myself.

“The fentanyl got me moving like a claymation figure”

Freddie Freeman is insane

This is the same powerplay that we saw last year. That’s uhhhh, not good.

Logan Stankoven is gross

Dallas Stars hockey is almost back, so I’m going to be annoying on Twitter again.