NellieH

do you know what this is really about? it’s about how quickly everything came to an end. about the huge contrast between what things are like now and how they were just a few months ago. about how little information we have. and yes, on one hand, we shouldn’t demand more because it’s their private lives. but on the other hand, we shouldn’t feel stupid or like we don’t deserve at least a little more explanation. our idols want us to trust them, right? so we believe them when they tell us they fell in love with each other. we believe in “who doesn’t truly love, wouldn’t wait this long”, in “we tried dating”, “i love her, i know it now for sure”, “there’s 100% chances of us being together” and so much more. not every ship says things like that. not to that extent, not so deeply and directly. our faith in them didn’t come out of nowhere. and neither does our frustration now. it’s not like i’m living in some fairytale and treating everything like a k-drama. i’m not stupid or childish enough to see things that way. but they genuinely gave me reasons to believe, reasons to get attached. they were the ones who made me feel that way, out of so many other ships out there. none of us should blame ourselves for what we’re feeling. if you feel like you want to know a little more, see a little more, that’s COMPLETELY NORMAL considering everything we’ve witnessed over the past five years. just recently, we felt like this was their best year yet. and now we’re almost embarrassed by how happy we were and how much we believed that. but we shouldn’t feel that way! looking at everything from the outside, we’re absolutely allowed to be hurt, to feel like something is off, or even to be a little disappointed. and that’s because first we’re told these incredibly deep things that move us, bring us together and make us feel like everything means something, and then suddenly… nothing. suddenly we’re expected to accept the silence and reminded not to treat real life like a movie. well, in a way, we were very particular viewers of something that seemed almost too beautiful to be true (?) i also don’t understand how charlotte’s contract doesn’t end until april, yet it already feels like we’ll be over the moon if we get even ONE more englot event together before then. everything changed so suddenly. yes, it’s their private lives. yes, we don’t know what they’re going through or what problems they might be dealing with. but we do know certain things. we’ve heard words and witnessed moments that meant a lot to us. and we can’t just press a reset button and pretend none of it ever happened. we’re only human. where are they now? (that’s this year…)

Reminding myself when I see how they cant even look at eachother today, how stiff and uncomfortable they are and obviously couldnt clear the air before last ever job that FA said this was just her being "professional" What a difference a yr makes. #EmborgxEngLot #อิงล็อต #englot