Karen, Esq.

Jury box? I sure hope they do!

Early ACOTAR: I want to fuck the cursed werewolf faerie who kidnapped me Late ACOTAR: after a day of teaching trauma-informed art classes and giving PPP loans to woman-owned small businesses, I put the newborn to bed and my feminist husband asked for consent to have le sexy time

Adding “not to be unreasonably withheld” to the other party’s contract language

Using the bathroom on a different floor of the office building to microdose Bizarro World

My cat looks so annoyed when I’m doing chores and going from room to room, up and downstairs, because he has to follow me to each location. Like I’m forcing him to do that

I haven’t attempted to carve anything since the Shrumpkin incident of 2022

Signatures are so silly. Like you have to write your name in shitty cursive but you have to do it really fast. That’s how we know it’s You

As a lawyer is it bad that I had no idea what “Weil” is/was?

Me [working in the lab late one night]: my eyes better not behold any goddamn eerie sights

I would never promise to be a “cool manager”

When the uncle pussy is an ozempic vagina 😫 <<<

I’ve wanted an upper bleph for a really long time but in my more mature years I’ve come to peace with the fact that my husband likes my face, my kids will have my face, and my face is part of who I am. And they make eyeliner tutorials for hooded eyes now on instagram

I love outside counsel like yeah let me just hire this way better lawyer to fucking mog me