Engbee

💌 Pick a Card Level 4 #THEINTERVIEWxEngfa 💭 : Regarding memories, is there any sentence you have ever heard that completely changed your life? EF : Actually, in the past, I would say the words, "This too shall pass." This was also a phrase that could change me. But today, I want to give a new update to everyone. It might be a sentence that we have heard often already, which is, "In life, certainty is uncertainty." It changed P'Fa's life in the way that, in the past, I cared about everyone. I was afraid people wouldn't love me. Whatever I had to be, I was. Yes, I was being myself, but it was the version of myself where I had to keep everyone. I was afraid people wouldn't love me, afraid this person wouldn't love me, afraid that person wouldn't love me. And then I would sit and ask myself every time, "What is my happiness?" And I sat and thought, and I couldn't figure it out. But what my older sister's happiness is, what my family's happiness is, what my friends' happiness is, what everyone else's happiness is, I could answer, I could guess. But when it came to my own happiness, just like the first question that was asked about what reward I would give myself, it was secretly like, "Yeah, right, what is my happiness?" I have lived my life for 31 years, and it turns out I don't know what my own happiness is, or if I were to give myself a reward, what would it be? If, suppose, at 32 something happens to me, would it be worth it to be born? And this body, this physical form, has never taken Engfa to the places she wants to go. Never taken Engfa to meet the people she wants to meet. Never taken Engfa to eat something that is super delicious that I must eat in this lifetime. So I felt that I need to care less, overthink less. In the end, I feel that if I am more myself, more in the version that tries caring less about others, if someone chooses to walk away from me today, I can only let go, and focus on myself. Save my mental health, save my physical health, to wait for the day we will go reward ourselves, go take ourselves to be truly happy. 💭 : The reward you want to give yourself? EF : Um, I have two plans in mind. First of all, for one year, just travel for the whole year. It would be a year like going to that country, coming back to Thailand, then going to this country, coming back to Thailand again, then going to another country, or going one after another. For that one year, I want to go on a trip traveling around the world, all over the world to the places I want to go. And another thing is growing vegetables and gardening at home. Because P'Fa is someone who likes watching Thai people who live abroad, who like cooking, like growing vegetables, like raising dogs, doing things like that. I have set two things. But for traveling around the world, P'Fa thinks it will probably be not exceeding the age of 35. I am afraid that if we leave it until 36 or 37, the body's immune system and things will make me feel allergic when encountering this and that. By then, it might not be fun anymore. #อิงฟ้ามหาชน‌ #EngfaWaraha