Malcolm Knowles

Black Friday is 28 days 8 hours and some minutes from now and if you run a WooCommerce shop that's going to do numbers, I've got a wager for you: Imagine... 1.) You give us a copy of your staging environment. 2.) We stand up a bespoke environment for you in our world. We're in 350+ datacenters currently so we have boxes where you need them. 3.) You tell us your peak checkout concurrency from last BFCM (or whenever the high water mark happened) 4.) I show you a completed load test with 3X that number of checkouts and zero errors. 5.) I present you with a number that is lower than what you paid last year AND I'll lock that monthly price for up to two years (practical restrictions apply of course) Now at this point one of three things happens: Door number one: We're happy, you're happy, and we make the money printer go brrrrr. Assuming we like you and you don't sell anything illegal where you sell it, this is what will happen. (Gray markets welcome) Option two is that it's not a great fit for either of us and we simply part as friends. You get a free load test and you learn a bunch of shit that most companies do wrong while charging you five grand for it. Door number three is: We fail the test and I lose the bet. In this diabolical branch of multiverse Small Devops Energy Patrick has to give $1000 to the charity of your choosing, and we have to continue to host your site in the upside down for free for the next six months. These things do cost thousands of dollars to do correctly so I'm only gonna do a handful of these for free. Next week we'll charge five grand and all bets are off. The only catch is that your Woo site must do at least $100K/month, ideally way more than that, and you have to be hosted with one of the Usual Suspects. If you're already on GP this isn't for you, you're already winning. If we only get a handful of takers, then it's first come first serve. If we get a lot of takers I'm gonna let my middle kid pick the winners based entirely upon whatever floats her boat, so if you sell squishies or over priced hoodies that are way too big or you're Salish Matter, hold on to your hats. GLHF and may the odds be ever in your favor.