🤠

Corrrr someone must have nicked my phone last night, just had to delete a load of messages that definitely were not me. Wonder who that was, because as I said before, it definitely wasn’t me.

I’m pissed who wants to see my cock

Just made everyone sat in the cinema laugh

Had an occupational health appointment, the lady and I were cracking bants and I could feel the tension brewing. She finished the call with “it’s actually been really nice to talk to you” I reckon I’m well in there.

What the fuck are you even on about

I just brushed through my hair with my hands and flicked a FUCKING WASP ONTO THE FLOOR.

Is there any better feeling than when you psspsspsssss at a cat and it comes over for a fuss.

It’s been 24 hours and I can’t get this song out of my head.

Just like an owl comes out night, my coochie comes out late night.