Zach Williams

Remember Alex Pall from The Chainsmokers? This is him now. Feel old yet?

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty”

Online dating is just ads looking at other ads. And you can pay to make your ads show up more to other ads.

If I had a superpower, it would be to look at a household appliance right before it’s about to beep and it would not beep.

I’m so done with these tariffs. A $600 order for circuit boards from China now cost $1,700. Chinese expertise is 10/10 - it’s not about “cheap”. This is just 1/4 of my orders. I’m trying to get my company off the ground and this effectively stops my progress. This has to stop.

What if Jesus is also the reason for the seasoning?

Let's be real... if you have speakerphone on in public, it's OUR call.

Her: “what’s your sign?” Me: “tourist rising, I think?”

*on our first date* Her: I’m a Cancer Me: Oh wow, what stage?

So like, can we disable this annoying little @instagram “feature” or not?

I knew he was full of Shet.

Taylor Swift in her $1.8m box guaranteeing a Chiefs win

Sending memes to your clients >>>

Santa just told me I wasn’t on the “nice list” this year so I’m getting Kohl’s :/

What if it was called 98% not milk?

I’m 3 months into my Invisalign treatment and I still slur my words. Ordered coffee. They asked for my name. I tried so hard to say it with precision. I’m Seth today. Don’t call me Zach. I won’t answer.

What if I’m Autistic but everyone is just keeping it a secret from me?

Hear me out… The Legend of Zelda: Macarena of Time