lyndon big johnson

straight like Hormuz

jack off like no one is watching

a show called Pimp My Wife could have saved MTV

hey bro! you're unloveable

girl thought her hand was bigger than mine and insisted on measuring them against mine? um yeah right, nice try. mine were way bigger dummy

just took my last everything shower of the year. see you soon 2027

why do you as a woman have less than 100 followers

if Texas turns blue.. i will show a picture of my erect dong and my saggy gonads.

amazon just keeps delivering my packages to the same wrong address. enjoy my shit, man. wherever you are

(confidently, with no knowledge about the subject whatsoever): erm so that's not how that works

ye best start believing in ghost stories ms turner... you're reviewing one on letterboxed!

for halloween, i went as the guy in the audience in the plaid shirt behind drew carey in S04E17 of whose line is it anyway

if anyone ever needs to find me at the grocery store i'll be the guy pushing the cart with the one fucked up wheel

We are proud to announce the Merriam-Webster word of 2026: BBW Face-Sitting

something wicked this way cums

this 18 year old stoner made my mcdonalds burger less good than usual

posting screencaps of my hinge conversations where i'm a boring lifeless piece of shit and complaining that dating sucks

oh yeah? you reserved the names Git Gud, The Goat, and Zugzug Smash on WoWF? that's really cool man

r&b song in 2005: i am trapped in a candy shop full of hot women r&b song in 2013: this mystical DJ has cast a magic love spell on the whole club r&b song in 2021: my girlfriend has a girlfriend

"0 likes isn't very many." imagine 0 blowjobs