ilja klutman (@ilja) profile picture

ilja klutman

@ilja

“Dan zeggen ze ‘die kan niks’- maar die kan wél niks.” - Ruwe diamant.

Joined January 2007
  • Tweets98
  • Following179
  • Followers40
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Photo by ilja klutman (@ilja)Photo by ilja klutman (@ilja)Photo by ilja klutman (@ilja)Photo by ilja klutman (@ilja)
ilja klutman retweeted
Jon (@ArfMeasures) profile picture
Jon@ArfMeasures13 Jul 2021
Doctor: do you exercise? Me: oh yeah I do all of them, the push-offs, plonks Doctor: Me: cronchies Doctor: I'm gonna put no Me: ok
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ilja klutman retweeted
El Alfie (@AlfieDies) profile picture
El Alfie@AlfieDies16 Jun 2020
Blackberries have cool stages of life, no?
Image from El Alfie (@AlfieDies)
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Frank Sinatra called. He wanted a rap verse for "Fly Me to the Moon". Happy to oblige. (My broken glasses are totally an aesthetic choice.)
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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Queer Eye and then asked it to write an episode of Queer Eye of its own. Here is the first page.
Image from Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti)
Image from Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti)
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ilja klutman retweeted
BumTree (@Bum_Tree_) profile picture
BumTree@Bum_Tree_18 Aug 2016
FOR SALE Tortoise on a teaspoon £100 would swap for a corn snake in a colander or similar.
Image from BumTree (@Bum_Tree_)
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Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash pose for a portrait in Memphis, Tennessee, 1957.
Image from History Photographed (@HistoryInPics)
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Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
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There's no way to avoid becoming a statistic. Just try to become a good statistic.
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One Oxfam shop has received so many donations of 50 Shades of Grey that they've managed to build a fort
Image from Quite Interesting (@qikipedia)
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Locals relax by the tulip fields along the canal in Haarlem, The Netherlands, 1931. Photograph by Wilhelm Tobien.
Image from History Photographed (@HistoryInPics)
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Nieuws: Let op omgevallen schapen!: Draai een 'verwenteld' schaap niet zomaar om. Lees hier wat je wel moet doen. bit.ly/1RLZCRX
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ilja klutman retweeted
Julian Brophy (@brophy) profile picture
Julian Brophy@brophy16 Feb 2016
Our cat has gone missing in Dublin 8 (Donore Avenue, Ebenezer Tr, Brown St area). Please RT to help us! #Dublin #cat
Image from Julian Brophy (@brophy)
Image from Julian Brophy (@brophy)
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The first plastic artificial Christmas trees were produced by a toilet brush manufacturer using the same bristles which they’d dyed green.
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There's only one rule that I know of, babies — God damn it, you've got to be kind.
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"But you're a day of the week", you say. "How are we even having this conversation?". "Shh", Friday puts a kitten in your arms. "Rest now."
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"It's all going to be okay", Friday says as it gently wakes you and hands you a cup of tea. "I'm here now."
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ilja klutman retweeted
Edward Snowden (@Snowden) profile picture
Edward Snowden
@Snowden8 Oct 2015
Three cats and you're a cat lady, right? But nobody ever called a guy a cat lord. #catlords
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OFFALY: There's a llama loose in the village of Rahan. Take care in the area.
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My cat is sad because a pleasant day has been ruined by a tactless remark, causing old psychological wounds to reopen
Image from WHY MY CAT IS SAD (@MYSADCAT)
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