I got bit by the Lone Star tick, now I'm allergic to Grogu meat

me to your glam-bot. Simple. Simple as that.

scooby what that mouth doo

Hey man, if I’m on a red carpet and you approach me with your ‘glam bot’ I’m putting it in an anaconda choke hold. Simple.

First of my line to hit a half-court shot in peaky blinders cosplay

how many feastables would it take to kill myself

Never question the amount of uncles I have

I have come face to face with three cryptids in my life so far. Two of which made me horny

I’m in the testing phase of a new Stitch design

Got expelled from the University of Hard Knocks for practicing Thatcherism in the bathroom

While you all attend the “No Kings” protest I’ll be attending the “No Trick-Shots” protest at the Dude Perfect Headquarters

Yes. I am impotent and proud of it. I’m a senior card holder of the “Can’t Get It Up If There Was A Gun To My Head” club

There's gotta be some sort of number for farmers to call when they're experiencing loss of yield. This shit getting to me. This shit too much.

In two years there will be a Mr. Beast video titled "Last one to keep their hand on the 3D printed gun gets the quickest death"

Waiting patiently for the perfect solar storm to turn off the lunk alarm at my planet fitness so I can sneak my lunks in through the back

Modding the lunk alarm at this planet fitness to play Addison Rae

It’s hard for me to put into words the impact this sex doll had in unifying my local landfill. What’s not pictured is the guys behind me in Hi-Vis high fiving and hugging each other

Asking the other guys in this sauna if they’re cool if I dump my Juicy Couture Viva La Juicy on the rocks