BigJoy

After every event, a ton of you come on here to lament about how your seniors ignored you, how you gained nothing from the event, or how you simply wasted your precious time. And honestly, it’s becoming quite irritating. On the issue of seniors ignoring you, let me say this as clearly as possible: a lot of you approach networking with an unhealthy sense of entitlement. You expect people to leave their homes and spend their time in service of you. Networking is not social climbing. They are two very different things. Take Moonshot, for example. I probably knew 100 people or more at that event and had to say hello to as many people as I could. I am typing this with my voice almost completely gone. I don't think I've ever randomly walked up to a founder I had no genuine interest in having a conversation with. Some of you walk up to people asking for jobs they know nothing about, or open with "Do you know me?" and other equally absurd questions. What exactly are you expecting? Over the years, I've built a network largely around my peers. People I meet at events, have conversations with about work, exchange ideas with and learn from. They get to know what I'm working on, offer perspectives, challenge my thinking, and I do the same for them. If I have that kind of exchange with just 10 people, I've created enough mutual value for those people to respect my work and want to stay in touch. And those are the people who eventually mention my name in rooms I have no access to, recommend me to their mentors and put me forward when opportunities come up. Some have become close friends and allies. Beyond professional exchanges, we've built genuine friendships, shown up for each other and become people we can rely on when life gets difficult. Let me give you a few examples. I first interacted with @JoshChibueze on X after we’d been at several events together for years. I had no particular reason to seek him out as a founder, so I didn't. To this day, I don't know what he heard or saw that made him reach out to me when some of you were dragging me. Fast-forward a few years, and I now work at his company as Head of Growth. @Nonso_Obiefule and I had spoken on several stages together, but our interactions barely went beyond exchanging pleasantries. Then, one day, a shared interest gave us something to talk about. Over the years, he's defended me like his own sister, and we've had some incredibly meaningful conversations. These days, we're genuinely excited to see each other. I met @IwalolaSobowale through a tech community and later ran into her at an event. We've since become close allies. I've vouched for her, and our friendship has been both emotionally fulfilling and financially beneficial. We've consistently mentioned each other's names in rooms the other person couldn't access. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the point. Some connections take years to yield professional opportunities. Others give you friendships and allies whose value goes far beyond money. Both are worth having. Stop approaching people with the sole intention of figuring out what you can get from them. Approach them because you have something in common. Because you have something to contribute. Because you're genuinely interested in what they do and who they are. Build relationships, not transactions. Perhaps we need to spend more time networking with our peers and learning to genuinely look out for one another. The more people who know what you do, understand your work and have experienced the value you bring, the more likely they are to speak up for you when opportunities arise. And please, stop making senior people the sole focus of your networking strategy. Do the work. Build genuine relationships. Let your work and the people who know it speak for you. The seniors will find you when they have a reason to.