still grappling with the pickle matrix | he/him
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ALT Vintage book cover that features a woman and three girls sitting around a candle. Scary-looking mist surrounds them as they each glance over their shoulder. Copy and title read: Four friends held a seance to speak to the dead, but they weren't expecting... AN ITALIAN GHOST Yo! Quit asking questions! I ain't no rat! You ladies need da freaking bible. By DISFUQIN GUYE EVEN AFTER DEATH HE IS STILL ITALIAN
ALT Back cover synopsis of An Italian Ghost: WHAT THE HELL IS ALL 'DIS WITCHCRAFT AND CANDLES AND CRAP? I'M FREAKING CATHOLIC OVA' HERE! The witches were startled - they were summoning a ghost, not a gabaghoul. Nonetheless their seance was a success, and so they asked the Italian ghost with a jersey accent questions that could only be answered from beyond. YO, LADIES I GOT NO IDEA WHO LIKES YA, I'M A FRIGGIN' GHOST! He had a point - how would a ghost know who has a crush on who? Let alone an Italian Ghost who died from only eating prosciutto for an entire year. What's worse is now he haunts the residence permanently, and each morning the olive oil is completely empty because gabaghouls need olive oil to live. It's like their ectoplasm or something. An Authentic Italian Book by Paperback Paradise The Most Haunted Bookstore in the Entire World At Night Some of the Books Turn into Goblins and Make Love with One Another
ALT Lucy pulls away the football. Charlie Brown trips and goes "AAUGH!" He starts risingg into the atmosphere, much to Lucy's surprise. He says "ha ha yes, it is finally happening..." Charlie goes up further and says "I am ascending to the realm of God to take my fated place at his right hand." He goes further until he is a mere speck in the sky. He shouts "This is the reward for my endless suffering! This is my reward!!!"
