Oddball

Apparently Brendan Rodgers was at the match last night and after the final whistle went into the Barca dressing room, pulled two envelopes from his pocket and gave one each to Coutinho and Suarez.

The USA should have been banned from all involvement in football after Diana Ross missed that penalty in '94

Can't really give the story away seeing as it's over 3000 years old but this film is absolutely epic. Doddyseus and his quest to return home from Birkenhead, the battle for the jam butty mines with the Diddymen will blow your mind

If Count Binface wins the upcoming Clacton by-election there is a very real chance I'll celebrate so hard I'll snap my willy clean off...

After months of that bloody advert being on the telly I've decided I'd rather shit myself into a coma than take Pepto-Bismol

"Do you have any money? I wanna spend all your money. At the gay bar gay bar gay bar. You're a superstar. At the gay bar"

Just watching a documentary about the Battle Of Britain with Dan Snow and Kate Humble. I've done a fair bit of research into the subject but one thing I've always wondered, do you think she shaves her growler?

They invented a FIFA peace prize for him cos he didn't win the Nobel one and he stood there with a medal round his neck like Han Solo at the end of Star Wars 😂😂

BREAKING. Alexander Isak has just been spotted on County Road hanging out the passenger window of Phil Thompsons Capri singing "ello ello blue and white shite"

Strange old paradox here, watching Sky News where a ceremony is happening to mark 80 years since Hiroshima and the ribbon at the bottom is reporting about a British space rocket....why? Why do we need to go to space? Why can't we just look after our own fucking planet???

Hard to believe Hulk Hogan has passed away, I watched Rocky 3 at the weekend and he looked absolutely fine

"Dearest Brenda, it's the third day of the Coldplay concert memes and I fear there are many more to come"

I can't imagine how awful their families must feel right now. Imagine it being splashed all over the media that someone you cared about actually liked Coldplay .....

Be extra careful in your gardens during this warm weather, I spotted this adder in mine earlier

So excited to be saying this, over 30 years since I first said it and 16 years since I was last able to say it......tonight, for what feels like the 1000th time I'm delighted to say I won't be going to watch Oasis play live. As you were

It's a cold cider and CCR kinda day😎 stay hydrated mother f*ckers and keep slapping that factor 50 on (especially if you're ginger or albino or an unfortunate freak mutation of the 2)

Please please please stop using "of" instead of "have". Just stop it. Stop doing it now and never do it again I beg have you......

Bonnie Tyler with her XJR. The car was plagued with gearbox issues, nothing she could do, it totally slipped when in park

Sat alone, pissed, listening to Led Zeppelin, the worries of the world are far away from me right now. Enjoy the small things mother fuckers, if only for a short while 🤘

Planning a trip up north? Worried you'll miss the smell of the West Country? Try new Lynx Silage, it's royt prapper ennit?

If your first thought about what has happened in Liverpool is to ask what colour the driver was rather than hope everybody is ok you're a c*nt, end of.