julia

I know people think it’s weird that I walk my cats on leashes or whatever but my neighbors were outside with their chicken on a leash so I don’t really wanna hear it (no shade to my neighbors I love them more for it)

guys! nytimes.com/badges/games/v1/…

i think if god is really all powerful he should make it so you can’t sneeze while you’re driving

one of the cats is on antibiotics right now but the other cat is jealous every time I pull him aside to give them.. so I have to give her a placebo with a syringe full of water twice a day so she doesn’t feel left out

playing fall guys with dexter. 2 people jump off the board as soon as the round starts. I asked why they did that. he said “they’re noobs”

astounded that the student loan people think I have an extra $1500 to just… give them… every single month. like you guys know how much money I make you cannot be this dumb

I signed 40 clinic notes today. surely, this must be my peak.

the best way to get dexter to want to eat dinner is for matt to fall asleep laying on my lap. then he’s so starving for a meal only I can make. it’s magic.

the woman at wine and spirits just told me to have a good weekend.. lemon it’s wednesday

does every kid have a favorite dwarf planet now, or is it just my weird kid and his friends?

“mum, i have to fart but i’m gonna save it for night time. actually, no I can’t save it” 🧐

happy mother’s day I woke up to a clogged toilet from my son

last night the moon was super full and looked really close and dexter said “oh i’m definitely howling at that” man what 😭

dexter trying out his new water bottle: “it actually comes out pretty easily. like diarrhea”

“mum, can we go all over america and find the best monkey bars? and if we can’t find them we’ll go look in africa. and if they’re not in africa we’ll go to ohio”

my sister is in the ED with a kidney infection and the nurse just told her “advil doesn’t do anything for fevers” … girl. come on.

dexter is so stressed about groundhog day. he’s like “I kind of want spring right around the corner but I can’t decide. because I LOVE riding my bike and I LOVE building snowmans” he’s been talking about it for 2 days. as if it’s his decision.

there’s something about wearing a vest over a short-sleeved scrub top that makes you look like a trauma surgeon idk what it is

it’s prob not ok to call luigi a dumbass in front of your kid but what if luigi is being such a dumbass that you lose the minigame in mario party what else are you supposed to do

our regular bar trivia had a tournament of champions tonight and I spent the entire week bracing myself to come in last place but we ended up coming in 3rd and i’m just really really proud of our team